awe

*completely

*utterly

*overwhelmingly

*immersed

*blinded by

and filled up with

love for all that is around me.

































sendin' mad lovins out there into the universe....from me....to you...if you want 'em...their yours...if not...pass em on.


xo,
*a

*sunkissed* goodness

hey.

that's all really.


the beans and i have taken to being professional beach bums, and we are really stinkin' good at it.

we hit the beach at 9 am and do not come home until dinner. IF we decide to eat dinner, and not just do ice cream and movies. yep, seriously...

there are so many good things....

* no rushing....nope. NONE.
* listening to the waves roll in first thing in the morning when me and the beans are the ONLY sunkissed faces around.
* watching the sun glint off of the peaks of the waves - feels like paradise.
* relaxing with an old friend...qt is more important than you know.
* letting kids be kids.
* letting go of expectations
* good tunes
* road trippin'
* trying new things
* loving me a standby
* big ole' glasses of red wine
* iced coffees
* cape trips
* BEACH
* foot rubs
* being off the radar...and it not bothering me in the slightest....feels really really good.
* and SOAKING UP EVERY MOMENT OF SUMMER LOVINS WE CAN FIT IN THE MIX.

mad lovins y'all....
*a

10 things.

sometimes i find myself straight up staring at the people in my life....the people who make up my world, and smiling....about how we know the ins and outs and sideways-ishness about each other....but then some days, i find those very same peeps staring at me with a curious look in their eyes...

life is amazing...life is beautiful...life is chaotic...life IS.

...i have started making little mental lists about everything...things that rock my world sometimes when i don't expect it...or things that make me smile...or frown...well, i guess just things...

here's whats cloggin the brain right now...


1. i listen to the radio OBSCENELY loud in the car when the beans aren't with me. OBSCENELY. honest. sometimes i forget to turn it down before the next car ride....its not pretty...

2. i like to buy wine. nope - i LOVE to buy wine. red specifically...i could spend HOURS in a package store reading all the labels, touching the bottles, trying to find the flavor of the month...yep - its like wine porn...no, really.

3. i have a phone problem. i am CONSTANTLY on my phone...it sucks. its a habit i NEED to break....but it is.just.so.hard.to.separate.from.it. - kinda makes me claustrophobic.

4. i am a sun worshiper. i know. i know. don't care...just gonna tell you. i straight up use oil. Yep. SO BAD. i am going to look like that nasty old lady in something about mary someday....and when i do, feel free to remind me that i am an ass.

5. i decided to fore-go my amazing garden this year, after many years of busting it out - i have lyme disease, and its kinda kicking my butt, which was followed by a complete and utter meltdown regarding how much i love seeing things grow, and having dirt under my nails and between my toes...needless to say...there will be a garden....

6. besides all the cuddles and kissin, i cherish more than anything listening to my beans converse when they think that we cannot hear them, and overhearing things like, "no benji, mama cannot fix your bike, she is an AR-TIST! , not a state-worker, " and

"teagan how many love notes have you written?"

"shhh, i dont want mama to hear you, but I just wrote one! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM - how do you spell Dylan??"

7. my kids are like small adults. they know too much. this is completely an utterly MY fault...and i am certain this will bite me in the ass....probably soonish.
Last week the school psychologist told me that m told her, "lets not make things any bigger than they already are. " SUPER.

and benji frequently will respond to the question "what are you doing?" with "NOTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU." - even though it usually VERY MUCH concerns us....like emptying two FULL tubes of toothpaste into the JUST cleaned sink...in an alternating pattern...i know...so cute...right? righhhht.


8. i dream about moving to the islands and living on the beach....

9. crossing me is a BAD idea. i will bend over backwards for the people in my life....but if you cross me...you're OUT...my hubs used to call me the hippy mafia. i own it...i so do.

10. i walk a very fine line between eclectic lifestyle mama and hoarder...i collect pretty cool shit(not in a weird collectables way - in a - i just like to hang on to neat shit kinda way) , and am not the best housekeeper...it makes for an iffy combo. but i like to think that when my kids are grown they will just remember it as colorful.


anyhow, just a peek...

love y'alls...*a

moments

....did you ever notice that if you catch a lil bubble on your magic bubble wand....


that you can blow more bubbles than you ever imagined possible?

...i wonder if moments in time are the same way...

like, if you catch a moment in time...

it contains a hundred other moments you might have missed if you just let it float on by...

huh.

curious...isn't it.

sendin' lovins...

was a yummy day....the kind of day that you just wanna wrap up and save for another day because you don't want it ever to end...

the kinda day that you catch yourself savoring each word you overhear coming out of your beans' mouths...

the kind of day that you look around and smile because everything feels perfectly perfect...

the kind of day when the green looks greener and the sunshine feels warmer and better hitting your skin than you ever imagined it could....


sendin' mad lovin' out to all the mamas...the new ones the old ones, and the mama's to be....so much love y'all....

happy mama's day.

xox, *al

it's okay.

to just be.

to pause and feel the cool air between your toes...

to spend whole days staring into these eyes....

to give up some of the control...


to ask for help...

to say no...because we cant do it all...or even close...

to crave sunshine so much it hurts...

to let your eyes rest....

to daydream through an entire day...

to have more love in your life than you know what to do with....

to pay to0 much for coffee because it feels good to have a routine that NOBODY can mess with...

to wear flip flops in the rain...

to clean the house just enough....

to make mistakes...

to forgive yourself for those mistakes...

to learn from them...

to love these beans so much that nothing else matters...

to buck the system...just a little...

to dream big...

to let music fuel your days...

to listen to the same song OVER and over and over...

to roll the windows down and sing so loud your throat gets sore....

to make goodness happen with paint, and heart and soul and snap shots of every moment that strikes you...


to open your eyes....


...and see the little magic hidden all around you...

it is there...

....and it is okay....

sometimes...

the universe sends you a message...




















...pay attention...


or you may miss it....


*a

enough

love to go around....


spring is bringing up smiles and lovins all around...


there are happy beans...and marshmallows...and bare toes...and chilly noses.....


and goodz all around....


we got plenty...


want some?



seriously...this family loves to share...


c'mon....

mohawks and madness....

did i mention i love this kid?

even if he told his teacher he would like to show her his "tramp stamp..."



seriously....


we have mohawks and mud between our toes and iced coffees and happy love faces and chaos dipped in madness and flip flops and wine before five and beach dreaming and a new fish named karma...


because listen up universe....WE ARE GONNA FAKE IT TILL WE MAKE IT....got it?

xo, *a

a lesson....in what its all about....

i had a realization this week. i have been spending all this time and energy waiting for life to return to normal....

i keep saying things like, "things are really crazy right now...." and "well, once we are done with this mess..."

and then it happened...the big bean was cleared. he can walk...he can sorta run...the ramp came down..the wheelchair went away...and i exhaled...i sighed and said..."we did it..." and i SWEAR..the second i uttered those words BAM the whole family got hit with the stomach bug....kinda funny. KINDA.

all i could do was shake my head....and i gotta tell you....all of the sudden....i got it....it all made sense....LIFE is crazy -and THAT, is normal. it's supposed to be. PERIOD. this is life. and yah know what? I'M IN.

i am done fretting. this is the real deal...it-is-supposed-to-be-like-this....



shit happens. and really in all seriousness....its so amzing how much of life goes by while we - yes, all of us, are SOOOOO busy planning our next move. it is ridiculous. time to live in the now and love all of it...im gonna.

so we are rollin with it....we have remembered to laugh through the chaos, and if something goes down, and you miss a beat...one that you already planned...well, SO BE IT.

what it is really all about, is all the stuff that goes down during all the moments in between...the 3am cuddles while the little bean is projectile vomiting red peppers....or the hubs rubbing my back while he is trying to sleep at the same time....its the love notes all over the house from the beans telling mama and daddy to feel better....its being able to laugh at yourself with the people you love.... its 3 beans jammin out to u2, its little artists that like to paint on mama's canvas - and mama realizing that nothing is better than sharing the real thing with those excited little hands...its climbing in bed together after the plague has finally passed and remembering how good it feels... its catching the big bean fascinated by the process of recording a moment in time~and falling in love with how that feels...its listening to the beans love each other...and tear each other apart just mere moments apart...its the smiles on their faces as spring begins to show herself....all of it....

and its know that the world keeps revolving no matter what was supposed to go down, and didn't.



so, we are all here, eyes wide open, and loving all of it....

because listen....

you only get one shot...

so take it all in peeps....it is SO good.

xox. *a

goodz

so totally and completely funked out over here.

there were two days of beautiful. sun....wind...a little warmth, and then just like that it was gone. GONE. gotta tell you, it was too much of a tease. i maybe would have rather skipped it, because i am SO FREAKIN' cold right now i am just barely able to type. and it SUCKS. i am desperate for spring. i want to rock my bare feet. bust out my spring skirts, to feel the spring air between my toes...to sit outside and watch the beans run around and play and feel the warmth of the sun...

no dice peeps. it.is.freezing.


so.....

in attempts to get over it and stop whining,

i have been in my head a whole bunch, thinkin' up all the things i love...yes, even right now while i am freezing away over here....

you want in on the goodz?
here's a little of what i am lovin up on right now...


*my new super dreamy tye-dyed yarn that calls to me all day long....
*red wine...(yes, i know its always on the list...but listen, it is ALWAYS good.)
*mama time...just for me. whisking myself away to hide in bookstores and pour through pages of cookbooks and craft books and even some magazines.....solo....so i can exhale.
*french pressed coffee. hi, i am obsessed. yep. sometimes i even pass up my nightly red wine to have my coffee. yes, really.
*headbands. any and all. honestly...i am in love.
*my neti pot...serious...clarity in a little teapot...if you don't, you so should.
*draggin out some of my most cozy and totally nasty sweaters that are such a mess and yes, were totally my dad's when he was my age, and are safety pinned together and so don't cut it wardrobe wise, but somehow they make me not hate winter quite so much....
*friends that make me laugh even when laughing right now seems SO hard and kinda inappropriate...
*the previously broken bean walking....YES!!! walking, without that FREAKING walker...i will never ever be able to walk past a walker again without cringing at the noise they make. nails on a chalkboard people. trust me.
*brussel sprouts. let me tell you. i eat them to the point that they make me sick. EVERY time. and i'm probably gonna keep doing it because i LOVE them, and i do believe it is worth it...
*one of my most favorite girlies bein preggers. coffee with you last week MADE MY MONTH. it's gonna be amazing lady. i can't wait.
*going back to work after two months of being on leave with the big bean...honestly, i went in last week and did bus duty, just.for.fun. yep...its been that good...
*ifc movies.
*impromptu visits with friends.
*breakfast quesadillas
*the fact that spring is so close i can almost...
*cozy slippers
*black and white lovins. love that.
*long weekends
*phone dates near and far
*benji's eyelashes in my face first thing in the morning
*the way the beans giggle if i dry their hair....the WHOLE time...
*owls. right? they are just.so.cool.
*photo text lovins with my sister mama wifey all day long....totally gets me through...
*keeping the story interesting....(you can read that how ever you wish.... - but - we all have a story...whats yours...)

there is just so much more....

so.....

i guess even though i am desperately awaiting some springish lovins...


it isn't so bad after all... got lotsa lovins all around....

xo,
*al

:::the melt down

okay peeps...real talk.





hardest winter ever. no secret that i am a beach girl...i do love fall....and i do love new england, dont get me wrong....but people...i would give it up in a hot second to feel sand between my toes and sun on my face. i miss it. terribly. yes everyone is in the same boat, lots of snow and ice and cold and blah blah blah....listen, I AM SERIOUS....hook me up with a ticket, and i am OUT.


but in the meantime, i am embracing the life as a winter mama, accenting every ridiculous outfit i rock, with giant rubber boots and funky gloves and adding fun things like purple hair to my standby look...because really, something has gotta give.....







that being said...there is SO much beauty in all of it....and it still takes my breath away to see icicles glinting in the sun, and and the quiet of a fresh snow fall when only baxter and i are outside....and the noise of the shovel scraping against the pavement after hours of shoveling...i LOVE that noise....seriously...it is the best ever...and the wind whistling, and the crackle of the wood in the fire, and the habits - we have consumed more red wine and chili this winter than is normal....(i have a pot on the stove right now, swear it.)


but really....we are holding up...

we made 70 valentines, and about 40 thank you notes and i actually said, OUT LOUD, "if you can't craft responsibly then we wont craft at all...." hmmm....right? honestly..who says things like that???? and then i walked to the kitchen and just drank out of the bottle, because really......

m is still rocking the rehab circuit, and it is hard...like so so hard to watch...but he is doing it, and i am sure SOMEDAY this will be semi funny, but it is a WAYS off...and right now, not funny...not at all....and he is seven...and seven is hard....and those two things together....eh...suckage peeps...pure suckage. don't get me wrong people...i freakin' LOVE this bean, but holy crap...payback is a NASTY. DIRTY. LOW BLOW DIVVYING BITCH....no joke....so, if you catch a piece of my head in your territory from the explosion...be kind and send it back my way... thanks in advance...

tj is as always a rockstar...she chooses to go by the princess route, but the girl is straight up hardcore badass. she rocked a 12 hour stomach nasty last week, and i swear, she is the toughest kid i know...no tears, no fuss, and in between dry heaving and puking(i have been told vomit is not a word people use ;) ) she would look up with her giant brown eyes and ask if her daddy would like to play uno....amazing...seriously...or if she could please have a snack...

and benji...well, the kid melts me EVERY freakin' day...he is just the very best that there is. the kid walks on water. no joke. don't get me wrong, he makes more trouble than any of my beans, he makes bigger messes, and i swear is at least 50 times louder than most kids his age, but he is freakin' AMAZING. i swear it...he wakes up and rocks a costume and a smile every morning...he tells me he loves me just because, and his little brain is just so stinkin' stunning....he starts almost every sentence with "mommy and do you know what...." and when you ask him a question his default is ALWAYS...."ummmm i don't bemember...." and i heart that...so so big... and he talks to himself, and i think that is awesome....


not gonna lie...even though there are SO many smiles...its been tough, but we are workin' through it, digging out, and watching the melt....i am so so ready for mud, and sun, and spring....

in an effort to keep things on the upswing, i am making a list...in my head....for now...

of the goodz....

because it has been too long ...

....and i think we are due for some goodz....

xox, *me

....in my quiet space

* i have been a little quiet over here...playing catch up on e-mails and trying to finagle a way to get my butt back to work...all while trying to maintain some level of sanity....and having a little bit of an epic fail....we are buried in so much more than just snow over here...it is layers and layers of STUFF.


*with giant thanks to my aunt for the house, and the keys, and my hubs for takin the beans, my mama wifey and i jaunted off to the beach, (which as a disclaimer may be my most favorite place in the universe....)


we packed up some amazing winter treats...lots of wine and loveliness and away we went. we had oysters and coffees on the way and when we arrived we settled in to utter nothingness, and let me tell you, is was dreamy...

there was walks on the beach, wine, snuggles, pouring through tattoo magazines and most amazingly...there was quiet. so much quiet. there were moments that i smiled to myself and thought about how these beat up eardrums felt like they were filled with magic. it was silence...SILENCE!!! ahhhmazing.


SO......

i gotta tell you...there was a time, that i never would have made this work...i would have never packed up and spent a weekend away from the hubs and the beans...but i needed it...i needed some recharging, and more importantly i needed to step back and give myself permission to need that and permission to take a break....

so i did. and i loved it more than i can put into words.

....and i came home refreshed. exhausted....but a whole different kind of exhausted...not beat down and run down...just tired and at ease, and ready to start fresh.

ready to be snowed in and rock some baking and some making and some deep breathing...ready to pick some battles, and ready to have at it.

...and i missed the beans...and i missed the man...and sometimes a little step away is all you need to regain your balance....

so we are here. we are home. there has been snow , and knitting, and fires, and legos, and bickering, and coffee-pressing, and cookie baking, and movies, and purple hair...(yes, really) and choas...and laughs...and yelling, and healing, and dancing, and mohawks...and lovins...and attitude adjusting and crazy funkishness all around....

this will pass people, and i am gonna be here still diggin out when it does....

the healing bean is doing beautiful by the way...he is powerin all over this house with his walker, and he will be out of the woods here soon i hope...

mad lovins your way peeps....mad crazy lovins...xo, *a