april is so chock full of mad chaos, that i guess i seem to have lost my voice along the way.
i am anxious. anxious about so many things, yet can't seem to put my finger down on any of them.
i am longing for spring. desperately. wanting to feel the warm sun beating down on my face while the children chatter and play. i am so beyond and over the biting cold and dry skin and chapped lips and winter coughs. it is time for gardens and bbq's and wine on the deck with friends....
m has 2 loose teeth, and t is like a 21 year old 3 yr. old, and benji is 2. TWO. i can't seem to address the fact that i am out of babyville. i think that i am in a turmoil of sorts...like i can't get past the fact that there is no more little beans, yet at the same time i am loving all the new stages and phases and excitement...but i am also still sad. a bit. that there will be no more lil ones. but it is time to welcome other little beans and watch other families began to grow, and for that, well, i am so grateful and excited....and overjoyed.
a new space in our little world is in the works, and though very exciting, i am also overwhelmed and out of my element, while hubs speaks of joists, and ,i beams, and cantilevers, and urgh, and so,
we are learning that i cannot deal with not being in control....this will be a new place for me...taking a step back and trusting that it can happen with out me, and i know that hubs will rock it - i just may have to go to more yoga classes while things are in the goings on phase.
so, i guess i am just in a quiet space of sorts, and trying to formulate thoughts.
we have been doing fun thing, like trips to see the earth balloon, that my children thought was terrifying, benji insists that "big baa-lloooon KNOCK me over." it didn't, and t and m are just undecided....
and make your own cupcakes, and trips to see friends far and near....