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crazy lovin mama to three tinies - learning about the world through their delighted faces....and trying to remember to always smile through the chaos...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

nature's the making......

been a crazy few days here...

been working -
been painting -
been creating -

(you can click on any of the pics to make them larger...)

lots of surprises are coming -
lots of decisions being made -

some new and exciting things are in the works -

i can't wait for you all to see...

speaking of you all...

where are you guys??

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

a glimpse into the teenage years...

overheard from the biggest bean just moments ago....

M: Can I please be excused - i'm all done...

Hubs: yup, just clear your plate.

M climbs down from the bench, grabs his very heavy plate and almost drops it...he catches it just in time, and exclaims....

"DUuuuDE, that was close."


on the benji front, he went back to the docs today, to have his lil tongue checked out, and it was a traumatic experience. bad, i mean REALLY bad. he seems to be over it, not sure i am. but according to this so not qualified and i will NEVER see again dr. - "so far so good," but i will know better in a few days. he seems happy though, so we are continuing to hope for the best.

T has UNtrained herself which is loads of fun. really.

so, alas, things are status quo here.

Monday, January 21, 2008

little benji bean...

little benji bean took a spill today and nearly bit through the middle of his tongue with his stinkin' huge top teeth. i wisked him away to the doc, who was shocked at the size of the laceration.

though there is not a whole lot you can do apparently for a tongue wound. SOOOO....what we are told to do is wait. hopefully it will heal all on it's own with no infection, and no problems, or our next step is the oral surgeon. for a scary...

so please all think some tongue healing thoughts for us, and hope the little man makes a tremendous recovery.

he was able to eat some yogurt tonight through a medicine dropper, and is still nursing like a champ...but no surprises there.

(let's hope it heals in time for him to eat some birthday cake!)

*i'll keep yah posted!


Sunday, January 20, 2008

sunday morning sunshine

holy chaotic week...

but movin' on, all is well here. after posting yesterday, we left the house to head over to nature's grocer and help paint. while driving in the car, i looked in my rear view mirror, and saw the biggest bean looking all reflective-like, out the window, and asked him what he was thinking about -

he said "i'm thinking about spring." and i thought, wow, he is thinking about spring. something simple, something unprovoked, something with no strings attached, something that i decided, i should maybe think about to. so i let go all of my anxiety, my distractions, my anger and hurt, and i started to think about spring. and i felt better. worlds better. it was amazing really. my mind stopped spinning out of control, and i was peaceful. my heart stopped racing, my body relaxed.

so i decided while on that car ride to simplify my thoughts. to give up the game. from here on, i think with my heart.

i know i haven't opened up and explained all of whats been going on here, but it has been a whirlwind of stress and dis-function, that i feel it would be unfair for me to share. things will be getting back to normal, well maybe not normal, a different normal. a different functional. a better way, the right way. just know that we are all fine, our family is wonderful, our family, is just that - ours.

how are you?

hoping you are all well.

with love,


Saturday, January 19, 2008


today i will take a deep cleansing breath.

today i will move on.

today, i am detoxifying my life. i will remove myself entirely from the toxins that are causing pain to myself and those i love. be it chemical, environmental or of the people variety. it will help me to be a healthier person in body, mind and soul.

i will focus on all the amazing people, all the blessings in our lives, all the family, and friends we hold near and dear.

today i choose my life. our lives.

today we will live a fuller and more peaceful lifestyle.

today, i choose life - a life that is free of your reality.

today, we are starting over. learning to refocus. learning to let go.

i am detoxifying.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


i painted her nails because she asked me to.

then she did this for an hour.

upon deciding that they were dry she declared - "my nails should be pink 'FA-EVA'"

i wouldn't trade these days, not for ANYTHING not EVA.

Friday, January 11, 2008

this is what tired looks like

so the sleep thing was a fluke. it worked for one night, before benji discovered the little man was sleeping just a few feet away from him, and now he wakes up and screams in his face instead of mine. no dice. so, it's back to the drawing board for us. he is also sprouting teeth like it is nobodys business, which is NOT helping.

i am at a loss. M was a stubborn baby. but this is a mess. the boy will not drink out of a bottle, or a sippy cup. he ONLY wants to nurse. and he bites. alot. GREAT. so, he will be a year - in just 3 weeks, and he still is up FIVE times a night to nurse. UN*STINKIN* BELIEVABLE. i am going to be nursing this child before he takes his driving test.

any ideas???

other than the obvious sleep/teeth debacle all is well. we have returned to making the daily trek to the gym, and it feels good to be exercising again. i am all sort of sore, and glad to be. Plus, i am so tired that it seems to be giving me more energy to get moving. T and benji usually join me while the biggest bean is at school - everyday when we leave, she lets me know she "had a freakin' great time."

so glad.

the beans are good. they loved it up outside during all the beautiful days we were given, and are making the transition back to the indoors fairly well. today is movie day, so we will pop some popcorn, and hang. M has informed me he neeeeeeeeds to spend the day on the couch today because he is busy laying eggs. not sure what that will entail, but I will keep you posted.

some words of wisdom:

today at drop off, one of the mom's relayed a story from earlier in the week when her husband was the helping parent at school...

the class was having circle time and there was a discussion about somebody having a red nose. when the teacher pursued this and asked the children why somebody might have a red nose, my rockstar busted out with,



Tuesday, January 08, 2008

lovins all around....

the baby bean has moved into his big brothers room. and as if by a miracle, he woke up ONCE to nurse last night. yup, ONCE - and to boot, he fell asleep with NO fussing, and woke up this a.m and played in his crib, while hubs and I cuddled in our child free room. AMAZING. i slept for 4 hours. in a ROW. freakin' amazing.
*tremendous thanks to Camp for helping to move the crib*

what goes on here...

things here are feeling just right. the beans are still hacking and producing snot as though somebody is paying them to do so, but they are good.

M is continuing to test me with all the words that coming flowing out of his mouth...always an adventure really.

T is a fussy mess - and depending on her mood, she will slip past you and either whisper an endearing "i love you," with a sparkle in her eye, or glare and frown and stomp around declaring her dislike for you. She is going to be a real treat at sixteen.

mimi and pa are in the islands sunning themselves "far,far away" and the beans miss them lots.

i have taught myself to knit this week and am finding that spending an hour or so knitting at night while i space out to mindless tv is re-centering me. after a week of the littlest bean crying it out in the crib, he is napping like a champ, and going to bed at night when all the other beans do. so i am able to take some deep centering breaths and knit away the evening without a baby chewing on my boob.

what else goes on;

we have been sharing company the past few evenings with some of our nearest and dearest, and that always feels wonderful. we spend saturday night being absolutely spoiled by our foley clan, great food, belly rubbin' (mama foley's, NOT mine,) lots of smiles, talks of belly casts, laughs and kidlets running all was all exactly as it should be.

sun. hubs worked a double, and monday eve we had were able to spend some quality time with friends we rarely get to connect with due to them owning a restaurant and us being all over the place schedule wise. these guys are having their first little bean in april, and we are thrilled to pieces for them as well...there was lots of baby talk and birth talk, and furniture moving, delicious food and tea drinking and wonderous feelings. though i must say surprised that they didn't run screaming from the house as in the course of three hours T managed to cough all over them, pee in her seat at the table right next to brooke, choke and cough hard enough that she threw up most of her dinner, M turned into a laughing gibberish filled disaster, and benji was playing in the toilet with a fork....they were all a glorified mess. so maybe they did run screaming...

so, as i say, things feel just right - and exactly as they should. i am truly in awe daily, as people circle in and out of our lives - how many amazing folks we are interconnected with and how deeply i care for all these people. it is overwhelming really.

so today we will relish in those feelings, we will marinate in the love, the growth, the newness paired with the comfort and familiarity of the known. we will enjoy the warmth that this january day offers us, and we will do our very best to make the most of these days, today and every day..we will let the world be our canvas...we will be all that we need and want to be...

welcome 2008 - i am ready for you now. let's rock.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

day 5 - 2008....

gotta say, so far, NOT DIGGIN 2008.

as of this moment, 2008 is NOT rockin' my world.

let me give you several reasons why.
* the two smaller beans have been sick for 5 days. ALL OF 2008.
* i had a 10 minute conversation about snot today. yup SNOT. - and not with a child.
* benji fell (read the princess pushed him,) and he split open part of his eyebrow - my little man had his first bleeder.
*benji is almost 1 and i am actually realizing i am DONE with baby stage. this makes me sad and happy all at the same time. happy because he is doing fabulously, minus the snot and the eyebrow thing. sad because he is so BIG. he actually stands at my lap and wants to nurse...hmmm.....not entirely sure where i stand on that.
*i received bad blood test results that left one doc horrified and another doc totally underwhelmed by. lovely. turns out breastfeeding and being preggers for 4.5 years in a row might actually not be the best thing for your body. go figure.
*it is as loud as it looks like it is here - hubs has yet to make it past an hour of home time with out saying, " it is so LOUD here - i don't know how you do it."
* a magnet from "cranky the freakin' crane" hit my computer screen and now their is a blur in the middle of it...if you have little kids you know who this is - and i am ANGRY with him.
*our biggest bean has a real "SPECIAL" idea of acceptable behavior...that actually leaves hubs and i speechless. let me elaborate.
dinner conversation two nights ago:

me - eat your dinner.

M - but wait a minute, i neeeeeeeed to tell you something.

me - you can tell me AFTER you eat.

M - (please imagine the furrowed brow and growling noise) MOMMMMM you are making me MAD

hubs - don't talk to your mother like that

M - oh yeah, is that what you think.

hubs - (please imagine food actually falling out of his mouth as his jaw actually hits the table.) GET UPSTAIRS IN YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!

M- NO - let's make a deal. (really. i shit you not.)

me- (actually choking because i am laughing and HORRIFIED at the same time,) go to your room, your behavior is not okay.

M - (hands on his hips -eyes narrowed, lips pursed and looking at his father and i like we just threw the toys in the garbage disposal or killed the dog....)oh yeah, yah think so, well let me tell you something....

not entirely sure what happened next as my head blew up.