(my grams, bertha spector - the most recent pic i have seen.)
gram,
i lost you today.
the sadness is coming in waves...
i am desperately trying to keep my head on straight and let things sink in. i do okay for a minute here or there, but when i need to say out loud that your gone...well, that is a whole different ball game.
you were such am amazing woman. i just cannot even formulate my thoughts. there is sadness, anger, grief, and overall relief that your suffering is over...and mixed in, there is a whole lot of raw emotion...that i just don't know what to do with. right now i just feel blah. all day your amazing laugh has been echoing in my mind, the jingle of your silver alert bracelet and all your little mannerisms.
though i do not know where my mind will run to today and everyday with out you after this, i know that you loved this blog so much because of the pics of the kiddos and the updates and stories...so here is where i have turned...to think, about you.
Myles played with his Hess truck all day yesterday...and i gave him your special kisses just as you requested. I know he will remember you so vividly as he grows, as i was almost exactly his age when poppy died. i passed along kisses to all your "babies," this afternoon, as i told them of your passing...Myles says you were a special lady. i couldn't agree more. i promise to keep kissing these babies for you, for a long time to come.
thank you so much for spending time with me this week. i know it was hard. for letting me look into your eyes...for smirking a bit when it was probably near impossible to do. thank you for everything. always.
though i knew, we all knew, this was coming. i cannot believe that you are gone. i miss you. i love you.
xo,
Ali
