says who

My photo
crazy lovin mama to three tinies - learning about the world through their delighted faces....and trying to remember to always smile through the chaos...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010





















okay folks.  this is gonna be long-ish, and semi incoherent, possibley disjointed...and so much more...

BUT, hear this.  OH WELL....











ready - 


*it - is - here -folks....


happy fall...


as requested, the official countdown IS ON...., wait for it - okay there are officially, as of this moment,  exactly 57 days until thanksgiving....which makes me SMILE.  

it is not quite here, which gives us plenty of time to plan, BUT, it is less than 60 days away...and well.....what can i say, love my turkey day peeps...and the mere thought of a whole weekend of thanksgiving goodness being so stinking close makes it a little bit easier to get through the tae kwon do 3 NIGHTS a week, and the dance carpool, and the birthday parties, and and and....not that i don't cherish every moment, but i have learned that you can cherish something, and not actually ENJOY it.  

life is a bit chaotic here, and i find myself choking a bit when i sit down to write....

sure there are a billion things these kidlets do every day that i COULD blog about ~
but some of them i just wanna hold close to my heart and treasure right now, like no matter how much they bicker during the day, they always tell each other goodnight and i love you, 

and the way benji begs the kids to kiss him goodbye before they leave for school, 

and how i overhear tj explaining to benji that she is "a ma-am, NOT a sir," and that she will call him sir if he promises to call her ma'am...

....and how the big guy tries to practice his tae kwon do to impress us, but that i am secretly impressed by the way his giant mind works every day....

and how benji says thank you and his dialect is so precious i could scream...i.e. "thank yous fors mine snack..."  then how he sits back and beams at you with his giant eyes...

but the others, well, it isn't just about drooling and rolling over and saying lovely things and spitting up anymore, it is about what i am doing to RUIN their lives, or how benji will positively die if pa doesn't give him a pickle, or how tj neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds another pair of shoes, or how because of me, m will be an outcast forever......ahhh....the joys.

fact is, these beans are stinkin' huge...and 98 percent of the time, they totally rock...BUT, there are definitely times that i contemplate running away and joining a commune somewhere where kids don't have video games, and fashion accessories, and all the extras that WE JUST DON'T need.  *sigh* and as much fun as all that is, who really wants to hear about that....

deep breath...i guess that was my incoherent - i am overwhelmed,  but not, rant for the day... for now - i am gonna choose this.  here. now. 

my mantra has been for some time ~ my own self, at my very best, all the time....~ which comes from a place i hold very near and dear, which is probably a story for another day....but at any rate, i am gonna focus on being my own self...at my very best, and growing these little beans to do the same...and if that means that the snacks aren't cut in cute little shapes, and the outfits are all self chosen (which rocks) and i cant find time to join the pto, and I DON'T CARE IF EVERY OTHER KIDS MOM LETS THEM....then so freaking what?!?!!  

it's fall people.  and i choose,  here,  now. 

through the mosaic of fall trees and the gorgeous breeze , the taste on our tongues of fresh cider, and the hiking up of our sleeves and digging in to bask in falls goodz...i choose it all....chaos and all.  as always.  all the time.

what....do you choose....?

xo, *a

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

sometimes.....



sometimes - i love.  all of it.

sometimes - i don't understand how i could be so very blessed....and i wonder if i deserve all these goodz...

sometimes - i wish upon a star for the answers to questions floating around in my head....life questions peeps - real world questions - the kind that don't always have answers....

sometimes - i sit back and smile at all the goodness all around me - and i think my heart may burst....

sometimes - i love my little world so much that i can't breathe and i want to squeeze it so tight that it turns crazy colors and little stars fly all around...

sometimes - i am in awe of nature....all of it, and i have trouble putting one foot in front of the other because everywhere i look something is filling me with amazement and curiosity.

sometimes -  i feel like i am walking on air, and that there is a soundtrack for every moment of time that passes....

sometimes - i am mad to the core that i can't let my true authentic self climb out of her skin and rock and roll the way she wants to for fear of what comes with that....but then i wonder...if she is really wants to come out, or if she is pretty damn content takin' up space in my head....

sometimes - i am the best mama....who makes my beans world a far better place...

sometimes - i am a grouchy mama - who lacks the patience and understanding i SHOULD have because i get caught up in too many things that will pass if i just choose silence and LET THEM...

sometimes - i am cranky and pms filled and i yell and carry on about nothing in particular and everything in between - yes, like a 5 year old.

sometimes - i laugh....till i cry...and i smile till it hurts....

sometimes - i don't.

sometimes - i can't.....

sometimes - i am in go mode....and other times...i wait....and i am not good at that....

sometimes - i feel so filled full with life that i have no idea which end is up....

sometimes, i am alot of things...and sometimes....i am not....

i am not sometimes, but always,  as always...me.  and i am practicing owning that....*sigh*
 

Sunday, September 12, 2010

wide open....

i am so embracing the fall goodness that is upon us right now....

i love nothing more than grabbing a sweatshirt any my comfy ratty jeans-ditching the deodorant - digging out my clogs, cranking up the tunage and basking in the fall.ish.ness all around us beans.  the days have been perfect and the nights of snuggling and extra blankets are upon us.  

i have to be wide open and honest, for the first time in a VERY long time, i was dreading falls arrival, as it meant the end of beach time, play time, sun kissed beans, natures grocer lunch daties everyday, free days and all night chill time, schedulessness (i know, not a word) and endless hours to read and soak up books and sand between my toes, and i could-just-go-on-forevah.....but as soon as fall peeked her gorgeous sun bleached locks out from behind summers' golden hazy hip shaken goodz, I.WAS.SOLD....

and it all came pouring back.  

so here we are...shaking OUR hips, spinning around,  and making our space in the goodz.  i went to the grocery store, and honestly couldnothelpmyself...i bought everything i could think of fall food....not even joking...in the next 24 hours, i plan to construct a new butternut squash recipe - mainly because i cant find my old recipe... - tuna casserole, chicken picatta, chile, and apple pies....i know - ri-dic-u-lous.  but i cant help it peeps.  - i am head over heels....AGAIN*  

not to worry....my love affair with summer - well, i will hold it near and dear - it was so filled with wonderful, with real talk stuff - (as my girl says)...and with embracing, balancing, sustaining, healing and FINALLY, growing, and i will welcome summer with open arms when she makes her way back to me...

but for now....all is just exactly where it belongs.  

so many fall kisses your way friends,  
*a

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

knee deep.



we are getting down and dirty here.  september is all up in our business - and we are pretty much diggin' it.  

school is underway.  the beans are immersed.  i am back at work, and not yet fully on board, but i will get there.

i had a fleeting moment this week, where i thought the little bean might cry as i dropped him at school for the first time...none of my beans have ever had separation anxiety from me...and well - this one didn't either - this is how he walked away...down the bridge, hands in the air - like, back off ma, i am fine.
(it's okay, because secretly i know he was totally breaking down inside.)



and this is why he pulls shit like this when he gets home.


no matter....i am all set.  gonna love it ALL.  EVERY day.  because i simply cannot come up with a reason not to.

xox.  *a




Wednesday, September 01, 2010

goodz n' such....















































































































































back on the bus y'all.  literally....i have been like the absent minded mama, and even the hubs jumped on board the other day to mention my utter lack of bloginess lately.

fact is, summer has been so stinkin' filled with goodz, that i have just kinda been holding it close to my heart.

we have had lovins all around, from friends and family to greens and sun.  and i am just so sad to see summer fading away.  

i.want.it.to.last.forevah!!!!





i am not ready for the sun kissed skin to disappear.....at all.


or the bold colors of summer and garden goodness to drift into the cooler air.....at all.





but the goodz of it all, is we love fall up in our faces just as much as summer, and i am pretty sure once i am knee deep in it, i will probably love it even more...cuz that is just the way we roll in these parts.


wishin'  you all buckets of sunshine.......xo, *a