summer-ized

i wish that this summer might last forever.

xo,

A

my drug.

*my yarrow - in full bloom*



So i know that around this time of year i am usually chock filled with juicy deets about my garden and the beans playing in my garden, and the tasty somethin's that are growing in my garden and. and. and....however, this summer it's been a bit different. i have been saving all these sweet things, spending most evenings before the bugs come out, weeding, playing, walking around in and cherishing every plant. and keeping it to myself...want to peek?







*my lettuce*














*sun peeking through the leaves of my squash plants*



















*i had to pick just one*










*ah at last, tomatoes...SAFE tomatoes*








hubs and i made a decision that i needed a bigger garden this year, and a bigger garden i got. it is 3-4 times the size of the little one i usually tend to and i think i have been a bit overwhelmed. the weeds have been growing as fast as the plants, and the plants, although i firmly believe in organic growing, look as though they are on steroids. but alas, as the week came tumbling down last week in chaos due to some unfortunate doctors appointments with doctors simply NOT listening to me, AT ALL, and stress weighing heavily on my mind about some family situations needing to be dealt with, and the biggest bean having a less than stellar day attitude wise, i trudged out to the garden and worked away...i mean really worked, and magically, all my distress seemed to burn off in the last of the days sun. it was as though the roots of all my sweet tomato plants and cucumber vines were releasing a calming vibe through the soil in between my toes and everything seemed somehow, just. better. there was sweat dripping down my face, dirt caked under all my nails, staining the heels of my feet, and my heart was pounding, full of joy, peace, and balance. it was as though somehow, this was the answer. where i needed to be...

my knee was no longer aching and my stomach seemed momentarily calm...my energy was high, and i was hopeful.

my garden....my drug....

whats yours?













*my chicks and hens..*


xo,

A

why i rock,

as mentioned in previous post, M has had his safety town camp this week. today the fire department came. they gave them hats, badges, the whole nine yards.

M was over the moon.

so, just to be the COOLEST mom on the block, while bry was at work - i decided to make dinner, grill, as i do most nights - and catch the grill in a tremendous grease fire, with huge flames shooting out of the turned OFF grill.

that way, M could see the fire guys UP CLOSE. in OUR house. with a BIG truck blocking the road and EVERYTHING.















now tell me, don't i rock?

we are fine. dinner not.

also a lesson in why you should:

a. not allow children to run around in their underwear/diaper/bare ass because it is "almost" bath time - like in 3 hours.
b. not wait to pick the entire house up until after said children have gone to bed.
c. have a backup plan for dinner
d. DO not under any circumstance forget to get the dog frontline at the vet and instead try to tie a flea collar for cat off of the front of his collar - so that when the ENTIRE town VFD gets here and attempts to pet the dog...well, just get the damn frontline.
e. not unload the dishwasher all over the kitchen to allow dishes to "air dry" it makes you look a hot mess.
f. empty the trashes and leave all the bags in the mudroom because you are going to get the upstairs garbages - again AFTER said children are sleeping - again it makes you look a hot mess.


awesome. it. is. awesome.

but, i have gained some respect from the big man, who just asked me what we are going to do tomorrow because it is ambulance day at school.

i rock.

xo,

A

i am so at peace and happy with the way my children behave...they are kind, curious and very polite. as soon as they begin to talk we stress their pleases and thank yous, and rarely has a child of mine had to be reminded to say thanks....

that being said,


the biggest bean started a town wide safety program campy type thing that goes over safety rules,
911, fire, pedestrian, traffic laws etc. at his school.

upon picking him up from school today, we had long conversations about the neighborhood, strangers, our phone number blah, blah, blah.

then we discussed the coloring book "sarge" gave him, in which there is the age old "just say no campaign."

at the end of the book to recap the stuff i thought may have been a bit over his head, i questioned him,


me - "so m, if somebody asks you if you would like some of their DRUGS, what do you say?"

and M looked up at me with his wide open eyes, smiled ear to ear and said

"YES PLEASE!!!"


amazing.

summer blahs

(my first little tomato of the summer.)


lack of posting lately.

we haven't been busy...

we have been playing in the sandbox, going to the gym, eating more fresh fruit than our bellies can handle, we have been grilling, cleaning, and paying bills. lots of bills. nothing extraordinary...just a whole lot of the ordinary.

but we are not busy.

i have been doing a lot of reflecting. a lot of reading....a lot of watching the garden grow and playing in the kiddie pool with the kidlets.


just haven't been motivated to post.

i should tell you though that peanut ran away. and the tadpoles we were raising, turned out to be mosquito larvae. awesome.

kiddos are wonderful, hubs is on the mend from a back injury, and i am just trying desperately to enjoy every day that this summer has to offer, as come september i will be back to work...part time, but still, not here. this is a mental crisis for me, but i am dealing.



hope you guys are good.

xo,

A

peanut

hey folks,

i am cooked. the jack and jill party for sister kicked my arse. it was fabulous, and i think to my knowledge everyone had a good time. there was delightful socializing and families intertwined. s'mores by the fire, drinks and lots of delish food. but i....am spent. for the last several days i have been a huge mess. like a mush brain. no idea whether we are coming or going, and don't much care anyway. you?



at any rate, today the biggest bean has deemed me "mean mommy." he has a song. about "mean mommy in the house." it's funny. who would have thought asking a child to clean his mess up before we go outside could earn me a new name AND theme song.


















so, we are spending the day outside, playing in the garden, and constructing homes for our little found frog friends...
(i didn't like my salad spinner- it was too big for the cabinet...so i generously gave it up for the cause.)


this is peanut.





























t touched him first...m didn't think it was a good idea.
they discussed for awhile. she ignored his warnings. then he begged her for the deets. was it slimy, did it hurt him, were you scared....

she said, "myles, just touch it."

i laughed for a solid ten minutes at how brave she was...


















what is going on with you today?

quiet

i am not even really sure where to start here. things have been beyond busy. summer was going to be busy, i knew that, but then it started, and i missed the start whistle...and everything is happening so fast that i am baffled about what is going on. it is unreal.

there has been weddings, gatherings, showers, birth* days coming(not of our beans - others), funerals, and more weddings. there has been just utter chaos. but i thank you all for your little love notes and emails, we are okay, i am sorry i have not been blogging. i. am. just. exhausted.
on top of which, benji has started screeching again. it really hurts my ears. alot.
















i have a lot on my mind right now, some shady stuff we have been dealing with, lots of things rolling around, ideas needing creative expression, and impending events needing finishing touches, but in all this chaotic mess, one idea seems to keep resurfacing for me, it is the importance of family and unconditional love. i am sure part of my issue right now is that weddings and funerals are both such emotional events, and so emotional at the opposite ends of the emotional richter scale.














we attended a wedding on saturday for friends so close we call family. it was a weekend that flew by at lightening speed...the bride was stunning, and yes, so were you sam... and i thing a fabulous time was had by all...














fathers day came and went also this past weekend, and i was able to spend it with bry and my dad. i was able to savor lots of time with these two remarkable men. who both have shown me in the recent weeks that they are both equally as, and far more amazing than i even thought that they were. but while we were all away, i was also observing lots of interactions between other fathers and their children. some of whom i know as well as my own, but others that i barely know, or don't at all. i was so struck, by the bond of family, by the importance of having the ones you love and cherish around you. by human touch, by generations of family all together, by the differences and similarities people carry, yet the love...is all the same. it is really amazing. family. truly amazing.

then as we brought the weekend to an end, we attended a dear friends' mom's funeral. the service was so beautiful. so touching.

i left thinking again, about family, about how as the father broke down, one daughter held his hand, and the other children held each other. about how they will get through this, together.
about how we are a whole unit...that as the family walked past us, their pain was so deep that all of us felt the hurt, wanted to each absorb some of it, and make it better.

i saw the ache of a best friend grieving the love of his life, the mother of his children, a husband missing his wife, and wondering what comes next. it was sad. the kind of sad that makes you just want to put on a sweatshirt and slippers and curl up under a cozy blanket and cry till there are no tears left. i hurt for him, and for their children.

but they were amazing. composed. resilient. and strong. they all possessed a special strength. and our friend gave a eulogy that would make her mom proud. any mom proud. and i am so sure her mother was listening, and so so filled with pride at the sight and sound of her amazing family.

i thought about family dynamics, what roll we play, moms, daughters, sisters then later grandmothers, aunts , etc. how our rolls change throughout our lives and how to make the very best and most of those rolls.

right now i need to have some quiet. some time to work in my garden undisturbed, some me time. some time to decide where life is going...and what comes next.

my love to you all.

A

















things are good....just need a bit of quiet i think.

doin' our thang.

not much to say...

lots going on...














a kiss.















checkie checkie mr.man in the front, last day of school, of course wearing the neck tie. c'mon
now peeps, did you really think he would wear anything less?





















the flowa child





















me and the little bean snugglin










and just to clarify...the slippers and stethoscope...not his. but he put on himself while i was not paying attention. the kid is somethin' else.

hugs,

A

nightime lovins...

lots of no sleep here still, rosy cheeks, cranky beans, and one exhausted and semi cranky mama.

last night was tough for t again, and benji as well, but more t, which is typical of her when there is a cough. so we were sleep walking through the normal routine last night of tea, and back rubs and chest herbal rubs and, and, and. So as her cough seemed to be quieting down, she sat up in bed in a dreamy haze and leaned her little warm body up against mine very affectionately.

me "i love you T,"

her "good"

then in the dreamy hazy herbal smelling fog, she climbed back into her covers and put her head on her pillow, and just as sassy as the day is long, she closed her eyes and said,

"now get off my bed."

ahhh....the joys of mama-ville.

happening here-isms

here...

kidlets are covered in snot.
there has been late night coughing,
and cuddling,
and warm drinkies with honey in the wee hours of the morning.
even so, things are good.

the garden is in and the little plants are working hard at growing into big healthy plants. i love watching each little plant as much as i love watching my kidlets grow every day. okay maybe not as much, but close.



t girl had her first dentist appointment and rocked, as usual, and m has his last day of school tomorrow before he is officially a "kindergarten" kiddo. and baby benj, well, he has taken to shrieking. all. the. time. will blow your ear drum right out. so. loud. though no shrieking for two days now. i have my fingers crossed that the stage is over. it is unreal. no, really...we were at the folks store, and some poor old women actually jumped a foot in the air because he scared the daylights out of her. awesome.

but as i said, two days down, maybe we are done....hoping.

there has been remodeling projects, and painting, and yard-work.

there have been fresh veggies, lots of cook outs, and gatherings with friends...what it's all about really...


there has been indoor living room camping trips, and stories and snacks.


t is embracing some new foods, and let me just tell you before you hear it from her, they were grilled "PORTOBELLA" mushrooms. so when she tells you she had the "best magic musfrooms evah" she. is. lying. i said it to get her to eat them, then as she and the big man repeated it over and over,i thought, well....great.


so, the days have been jam packed, and crazy and exhausting. and the nights where we should be collapsing into bed and drifting to sleep are long and filled with worry about coughing sick beans...but alas, this too shall pass, and quickly.

what is happening there...

thank*fill*en up

when bry and i were *younger* he made me a "mix-tape" (do people even listen to/know what tapes are anymore?) on the tape was a plethora of amazing tune-age, and among those songs was a song about it being a big old goofy world.

there are so many days that i look at the little peeps running around my house and think about the words to that song. "oh baby, it's a big old goofy world." i think about how these kidlets are just the most amazing little souls that i know, and how i choose to mama them "just so." and how we may not have the neatest, most picked up house, but that my beans seldom forget a please or thank you. or how they will never be the kids that show up with out a hair out of place, but that they make peoples eyes flicker with joy at every encounter.


i think about the moments that i feel like i cannot take another step, wash another dish, hear another shriek, time another time out, or referee another screaming-toy-stealing match...then i remember the things that i simply cannot get enough of...the hugs, the cuddles, the kisses, the i love you mamas, and the little baby soft hands wrapping around my fingers, and i smile. because things are amazing. with the not so great, comes the amazing...and i wouldn't give up any of my goofy little world.

i often glance at bry when he is playing in the yard with the beans, or working on getting the next "job done." and i remember the first time i saw him...the first time we talked, all of our firsts and how we used to live in the moment of every day life, and suddenly it is 12 years later, and i cannot believe that our lives our flying by so quickly, that 12 years later....and that i am still totally smitten, and will for sure always be....


so friends....i am just reminding myself of all the special...amazing....and wonderful....because sometimes it isn't all that...the days are long, the kids are fussy, the baby wont nap, the hubs and i spat over silly things...and, and and. so today i am gonna let it roll. i am gonna remind myself life still rocks.

just fine-ness

so, i am fine. just fine. i haven't had much to say as of late because there has just been a lot of overwhelming "stuff" going on. and it is nothing i can pin point. nothing i can come right out and say, it just is. just. is.

there is a mountain of topsoil in my yard just waiting to be moved and tilled and mixed in with our delightful composted goodness...and i am just over the moon about getting my garden up and running.

not gonna lie though, it has been a tough couple weeks, and i think i may have to chalk some of it up to the fact that benji stopped nursing, and though he was ready, and i think i was, it was a realization in the fact that there will be no more nursing, no more itty bitty wee beans here...a new stage...that could make a gal hormonal no?


i know that things are looking up a bit though, because two days ago this would have sent me into a tailspin....





















project for you all....

please hit me up with a comment and let me know your single MOST favorite bbq dish....this is uber important, so suck it up and leave a comment....

hmmm....

the beans are good. the wedding was fun, we had a fabulous time though i missed the children tremendously.

my grandmother is doing great.

a happy belated mothers day to all you mama's out there.
















things are in order.






























however, i am in a heck of a mood, so, as we were told as little children, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

i won't.

post tomorrow. i promise. there is 20 yds of topsoil being delivered today for my garden. this will help me get out of this funk. i promise.

i simply am shocked that thursday is here already. this past weekend was so delightful and jam packed that i have been slowly recouping ever since.
there were moments i felt so tired from all the go go going, and moments i felt so loved and so lucky to have such wonderful people all in my home, with my family...sharing such a wonderful day. and moments i felt sad because some special folks couldn't be with us.
there has been massive quantities of time spent playing with new toys, and treats. big bags of recycled old ones leaving the house.
tons of reprogramming of little minds to re-adjust to quiet- calm- normalcy.
there was a thirtieth birthday for hubs gasp! 30. a 5th year for the biggest bean and a 3rd for the princess...imagine.
there is thriving basil and thyme, there are beautiful planters full of spring goodness.
there is a garden calling my name to be tilled and planted and loved up on...

it's all good. all good. sigh....all good.

i feel like i am in a sleepy life induced state of goodness.


right now i feel like my life with these little beans can be summed up like this.
i have an amazing man, who loves and takes tremendous care of us all.
we have three very special little beans,
and a house that holds us all. our little house is infested with lady bugs, really infested. like think arachnophobia but lady bug style. and though we open the windows and shoo them out, some linger, and make their way about the house.

the biggest bean, he collects them. will spend hours watching them, take them to school in his little big cage, then leave them in the car so they roast in the sun.

the middle bean, she calls them her "little lady friends" and names them, but when something better comes her way, she doesn't look back.

the benji bean...he eats them. enough said.



all i can leave you with today, is a quiet
namaste...

amidst the noise...

there has been lots of good. today i made my first trip of the season to the local garden place to marinate in all the plants and flowers and herbs and goodness. i'll tell yah, it was exactly what i needed. exactly. i needed to see all the fresh, natural, gorgeous plants just calling to me to bring them home and place them into our family...so, i did....but i am already planing a return trip later this week.















it was such a treat. the kidlets were in tow, and actually love the place as much as i do, and it just makes it all that much more special...


otherwise things have been status quo here.

there has been moonlit playscaping...



















wearing our boots in the 80 degree sun because our feet are "fricken' filthy"















there has been snack dates and lunch trips and all sorts of spring goodness....











click on this pic and look in the cup...you must...


















the big man started soccer, and though i have no pics yet, as bry was working late and it was just me to wrestle with the brood, i will relay this tale...oh how i wish i had my camera handy.

toward the end of a fun practice, the coach decided that the kids would do a little scrimage. he had 6 of the children 5 boys and a girl stand in a circle around the ball, and he gave the instruction that when he blew the whistle, the children were to go after the ball and dribble it to the goal, and of course shoot. well, coach blew the whistle, and for a solid minute all 6 children stood still. not a movement. blank stares. then, the little girl, kicked the ball, took charge, and dribbled all the way to the goal. all the while, the 5 little boys, one being myles, stood still. just watching with blank stares. it was AMAZING.

i whole heartedly PROMISE to photograph next weeks practice.


happy spring y'all....

*and also, if you get a chance, send some prayers and positive our way, my grandmother is having a rough go, and we are desperately wishing her well again....love you gram...