*do you ever...*

i havent blogged in 8 months.  8 freakin' months.  not for lack of love for this space, not for lack of desire to post...but life.  life got too crazed....we were those over scheduled people i swore we would never be...and i thrived on the chaos...the magic, the total insaneness of it all...and in the blink of an eye...it was summer...and it was beach time...and these kids...these kids just did their thing, and it blew me away.

this summer has been a wild ride.  my crew is amazing...but summer has been a mental roller coaster...some good, some great, and a whole mess of so super messy all mixed in....my grams is crazy sick, and life gets weird when you have to slow down and think about how much its gonna suck when one of your rocks is gone.  its hard and its sad, and sometimes things just plain SUCK.

but even through the suckage, there is sand.  there is sun on our faces, and waves rolling in, reminding me to breathe...to smile, to exist...because everyday is a gift...and there is good, in EVERY day, even the wicked shitty ones.

xo,
*a

winter roundup....

not gonna front...we are rockin some winter lovins here, but to be totally straight up, they begin AND end with hockey.

other than that, we have our eyes on the prize...i think we talk, and plan, and strategize DAILY about the absolute fastest way to get ourselves to the sand and sun...and this mama is STILL rockin' some totally smokin' cleavage tan lines, which make me smile.

so....in theory, all is well... (and/or i spend TOO much time baking in the summer, because it is almost february....)








so, despite the winterness, even though it has been mild for this time of year, i still kinda hate on winter, and am fairly certain i am suffering from post.traumatic.2011.winter.syndrome. BUT, i am finding lots of goodz still, and am grateful for that...

*lovin on KALE. seriously, KALE is amazing...and for some f-ed up reason i feel the need to capitalize it...wtf? like, KALE damnit! but really, maybe it should be capitalized, because damn...that shit is AMAZING. i make KALE chips on the regular, and have totally be known to rock a KALE smoothie several times a week...yes, for real.


*avocados are the new butter....or cheese....or whatever else you normally use as a spread....i have always had mad love for avocados...but now, i am straight up obsessed...not gonna go get an avocado tattoo or anything, but still...(i may get a KALE! tat though...i know...so hot right?)



* and carrot juice.
* and beanie snuggle time
* and wednesday ice skating with just benji
* and the giant eyesore of a hockey rink in our FRONT yard, that totally makes me smile, AND how many people smile when they drive by and the whole crew is out tearing up the ice....people DIG hockey....and we so do too...
* a mama HOCKEY team..uhm AWESOME? yeah...i am beyond excited about this new development...just sayin.
*and black eyed peas...the beans, not the band...
*and boodah butter lotion...holy amazingness.
*and letting things go....exhaling and not fretting about the petty shit.
*and cacao...this powder is like speed...for real. whole house clean in one hour for real...
*and hot showers.
*and...man, just and...that there IS an and....that i feel like even when things aren't perfect,(which they NEVER are, and we would so not want them to be...) they are still really good...and that is just good shit man. it just is.


xx*al

*amazingness in a jar*

wishin' a little, that i could bottle up amazing. here is just that....



i feel refreshed...
i feel full...
i feel like i need a sponge to soak up all the amazingness that is *life*...
i feel blessed.....
i feel happiness....like DEEP happiness....
i feel determined...
i feel comfortable....
i feel radiating love...
i feel *bliss*
i feel like there is magical moments all around, and if my eyes are open, and my heart is ready, there they are...
i feel like my world is makin' a whole lot of sense to me....
i feel a shift...in me...my being...every fiber of my soul...it is a strange, but REALLY good feeling...
i feel like every day is the kind of awesome like when you first discovered fireflies on a summer night and that dandelions you can blow in to the sun shine filled air are so damn cool....


***and it has been SO long, since i have felt these feelings, and come hell or high water....i'm holding on for dear life...***

there is so much going on in our little magical bean world...so much madness, and chaos, and magic, and love, and i swear, i did not start self medicating...(maybe i should, but that is probably a conversation for another date)...its just good...it just IS.

we are immersed in *life* over here right now, and SO high on it...and people, it is amazing...and i feel like i have permagrin....and it is such a soulwarming awesome feeling.

xxx*al

madness!

WHO KNEW....


uhm, so so so sold, on this biz....


i have been wanting to "go green" for awhile, but in july, when the biggest bean had his second surgery, i tried a green smoothie, that convinced me hands down, to NEVER mess with that shit EVER again...

that being said, i have been reading so much about this green smoothie monster madness, that i decided to give it a go...in my kitchen of dreams, so last night late night, post holiday chaos, and an AMAZING new years, i hit the grocery store, and i swear, i had more veggies and fruits in my cart than i have EVER bought in one stretch....spinach, red leaf lettuce, KALE...??, apples - 3 different kinds, cukes, grapefruits, mangos, bananas (SO MANY), strawberries, and grapes...and and and, and I EVEN FOUND THESE WAY COOL SMOOTHIE STRAWS!! go ahead and judge, they are NOT enviro friendly blah blah blah, BUT, they areWAY COOL colors, and my beans totally dig em...AND that matters more.

and i could barely sleep because i was SO excited to give this smoothie thing a REAL go....

and DAMN...i loved, the beans LOVED, (there is no pic of the biggest bean, because he is like a teenager and sleeps all morning,) but trust, that when he woke up, he devoured his greenie as well...

i.am.so.sold

today we rocked it like this...

2 bananas.
TONS o' spinach.
some frozen mango.
ice and 2 cups of water.

cannot wait for the next batch...im thinkin some cukes and red leaf lettuce....its good shit y'all...try it...for REAL.


sending happy green vibes out there from mine to yours...

*freshness*

i am welcoming 2012 with open arms. 2011 kicked my ass. it dragged me into some of the lowest lows ever...but its dunzo...and i cried. straight up. i teared up at 10 am this morning, remembering how f*ing TERRIBLE 2011 was, and how at 10 am one year ago, m broke his femur and my world, our world, was in upheaval...but yah know what...i realized as i shed a tear, that it was not because i was reminiscing about the sheer suckage of it all, but rather that we survived it. we did. and now it is so done, and we can move on...one day at a time...

so today...
my eyes are wide open...

* the sunlight is streaming down...
* 5 of my favorite beans are playing in the yard...
* 2 of my favorite guys are chopping wood...and i am overcome with a feeling of home with every crack of the wood being split...



*it is january...it is close to 60, the sunlight is kissing my face...and it is AMAZING

* my coffee tastes like heaven in a mug...

* there are birds chirping all around...

* my heart is happy...and full...like way filled up and brimming over...


we could all be....richer,thinner,prettier,stronger,faster,smarter,healthier,happier, nicer, better at something and if not that than something else peeps, but im NOT going there...we ARE, who we are, and i am filled up on the amazingness of that...so, i'm in 2012. thats it. i AM. period.

2012...lets be here. lets be now. lets just BE. and love up on every moment of that.

*happy new year y'all...

on just rightness.

sometimes....everything feels just right...

like family.
like patterns in the ice.
like tag on the beach...in november.
like early morning snuggles from itty bitty babies while the rest of the world sleeps.
like a house full (FULL) of sleeping people that you love more than you can express in words.
like traditions that are 2 decades old.
like new traditions that feel like an old cozy pair of socks.
like yarn on your fingers.
like giant hugs and smiles from old friends.
like bottomless glasses of red wine.
like poker at midnight.
like ice cubes clanking in glasses full of scotch.
like belly laughs....from the masses.
like 65 degrees on your face when it should be 30.
like the most ahhhhmazing bloody mary's ever to touch your lips.
like crisp clean blue skies.
like football in the fall in maine under said BLUE skies.
like beans who blow me away with the size of their amazingness.
like 10 foot waves taking my breath away.
like a bright pink tutus on 6 year olds with giant brown eyes.
like reassurance from the people you care about.

*sigh* URGH...like ALL OF IT. truly...i am just as thankful as thankful can be...and i am gonna ride this vibe as long as humanely possibly....

xox.
*a

::life::

uhm, i am so not going to write a blah blah story about where i have been...fact is, life has been INSANE. in every sense. so i have been living....that's all. and something had to give, and well, it was the blog for a spell, but we are here, and all is well....

since i blogged last, we have had two power outages lasting over a week, and man, i gotta tell you...pretty sure I will NEVER live off the grid...nope, not this mama. honestly, if i could pick up this family and move to some remote hut in the Caribbean, well, then we could talk....but stateside? it ain't happenin'. i give mad props to you all that make it work, but it isn't for me.

here, up in power-ville...

i am in a strange place of figuring out where my mind is, i have ALWAYS classified myself as a
"fall." one of my lovies once told me that i "am FALL...." and truthfully. i do love fall, but somehow, i have turned into a summer....and man....it has kinda snuck up on me...

me and my crew have become totally and completely enamored with our summer lovins, and all the goodz that come with...and i literally used to COUNT THE DAYS till fall...and now...DAMN....whats a girl to do when she actually dreams of sand between her toes....and sunkissed skin....*SIGH*....well, i will tell you what this mama is doing...



i am resurrecting thankfuls...i invited over a whole mess of peeps, and we pot lucked, and ate chili, and wings, and ribs, and such and let the cold brisk air fill our lungs, and drank enough wine and beer to warm our souls, and i made everyone write on my thankful board, and i am taking long spontaneous road trips, and drinking pumkin flavored coffee(ha! dunkin donuts!! this girlie is going old school), and i am gathering family and loved ones, and busting out the knitting because that REEKS of fall, and i am gonna force it back in...because there has GOT to be room for my fall in there...HAS TO BE.



so....that being said, there are TEN days till thanksgiving, where we will gather with peeps we love, i will snuggle my new nephew and exhale....we are going to a beach...BEACH! true, in MAINE, where i am sure it will be COLD as shit, but yah know what...it is STILL a beach damnit, and this mama is pretty stoked anyway.

and in the spirit of my former fall self i am giving you a list of 10 things...that i am thank-filled up on over here....


1. Baxter. yep...dog so does not get enough juju in this house, but if you know this dog, you know that he is the SHIT.

2. The chaos....truly...i am falling a little in love with the chaos...emphasis on a LITTLE.

3. Ice hockey and the early am practices...honest...it is SO fun.

4. sons of anarchy...ridiculous right? but i am SO for the whole outlaw justice system, and have told hubs numerous times that if he can find a place for us to go where a biker gang runs the town...im IN.

5. fingerless gloves....

6. red wine...(shut up people, you knew it was coming, and lets just be straight about the fact that i have brought functional alchoholic to a WHOLE new level.) (disclaimer here, i am NOT an alcoholic, but i do REALLY love my red...lots)

7. lucas james peters. he is my new nephew, and i am smitten...and cannot wait to love up on him in just 10 days....

8. RED hair dye. (don't even ask)

9. tattoo possibilities...(this may or may not be related to #4...i mean i am not going to go tattoo a reaper on my back or anything...but still....)

and 10...*sigh* ready.....ehhhh....i am cringing just saying this in my brain, but i am thankful for storm ALFRED...shhhhhhh.....ugh, i know, but really....it was a choatic, sad, and devastating mess, and for that, I am NOT grateful, but it forced everyone to SLOW down...to be together....to share...to snuggle....i got to spend TEN days hanging with these beans, camping out in the living room, a benji sleeping on top of me to keep warm, adventuring through town, and having nowhere we HAD to be...do i wanna do it AGAIN? NOPE...never, but honestly....a blessing in disguise i tell yah. and the bastard took my weeping cherry, but still alfred...i wont hate on yah...

okay okay, doing 11 for good measure...

11. FALL....i still love you...you just have to get it together...no more freak cold and cut the nonsense with the 3:45 dark, cuz that my dear, is not winning ANY awards.