rose colored glasses

winter roundup....

2012-01-26T13:57:00.007-05:00

not gonna front...we are rockin some winter lovins here, but to be totally straight up, they begin AND end with hockey.

other than that, we have our eyes on the prize...i think we talk, and plan, and strategize DAILY about the absolute fastest way to get ourselves to the sand and sun...and this mama is STILL rockin' some totally smokin' cleavage tan lines, which make me smile.

so....in theory, all is well... (and/or i spend TOO much time baking in the summer, because it is almost february....)

so, despite the winterness, even though it has been mild for this time of year, i still kinda hate on winter, and am fairly certain i am suffering from post.traumatic.2011.winter.syndrome. BUT, i am finding lots of goodz still, and am grateful for that...

*lovin on KALE. seriously, KALE is amazing...and for some f-ed up reason i feel the need to capitalize it...wtf? like, KALE damnit! but really, maybe it should be capitalized, because damn...that shit is AMAZING. i make KALE chips on the regular, and have totally be known to rock a KALE smoothie several times a week...yes, for real.

*avocados are the new butter....or cheese....or whatever else you normally use as a spread....i have always had mad love for avocados...but now, i am straight up obsessed...not gonna go get an avocado tattoo or anything, but still...(i may get a KALE! tat though...i know...so hot right?)

* and carrot juice.
* and beanie snuggle time
* and wednesday ice skating with just benji
* and the giant eyesore of a hockey rink in our FRONT yard, that totally makes me smile, AND how many people smile when they drive by and the whole crew is out tearing up the ice....people DIG hockey....and we so do too...
* a mama HOCKEY team..uhm AWESOME? yeah...i am beyond excited about this new development...just sayin.
*and black eyed peas...the beans, not the band...
*and boodah butter lotion...holy amazingness.
*and letting things go....exhaling and not fretting about the petty shit.
*and cacao...this powder is like speed...for real. whole house clean in one hour for real...
*and hot showers.
*and...man, just and...that there IS an and....that i feel like even when things aren't perfect,(which they NEVER are, and we would so not want them to be...) they are still really good...and that is just good shit man. it just is.

xx*al

amazingness in a jar

2012-01-09T17:45:00.003-05:00

wishin' a little, that i could bottle up amazing. here is just that....

i feel refreshed...
i feel full...
i feel like i need a sponge to soak up all the amazingness that is *life*...
i feel blessed.....
i feel happiness....like DEEP happiness....
i feel determined...
i feel comfortable....
i feel radiating love...
i feel *bliss*
i feel like there is magical moments all around, and if my eyes are open, and my heart is ready, there they are...
i feel like my world is makin' a whole lot of sense to me....
i feel a shift...in me...my being...every fiber of my soul...it is a strange, but REALLY good feeling...
i feel like every day is the kind of awesome like when you first discovered fireflies on a summer night and that dandelions you can blow in to the sun shine filled air are so damn cool....

***and it has been SO long, since i have felt these feelings, and come hell or high water....i'm holding on for dear life...***

there is so much going on in our little magical bean world...so much madness, and chaos, and magic, and love, and i swear, i did not start self medicating...(maybe i should, but that is probably a conversation for another date)...its just good...it just IS.

we are immersed in *life* over here right now, and SO high on it...and people, it is amazing...and i feel like i have permagrin....and it is such a soulwarming awesome feeling.

xxx*al

madness!

2012-01-02T10:22:00.004-05:00

WHO KNEW....

uhm, so so so sold, on this biz....

i have been wanting to "go green" for awhile, but in july, when the biggest bean had his second surgery, i tried a green smoothie, that convinced me hands down, to NEVER mess with that shit EVER again...

that being said, i have been reading so much about this green smoothie monster madness, that i decided to give it a go...in my kitchen of dreams, so last night late night, post holiday chaos, and an AMAZING new years, i hit the grocery store, and i swear, i had more veggies and fruits in my cart than i have EVER bought in one stretch....spinach, red leaf lettuce, KALE...??, apples - 3 different kinds, cukes, grapefruits, mangos, bananas (SO MANY), strawberries, and grapes...and and and, and I EVEN FOUND THESE WAY COOL SMOOTHIE STRAWS!! go ahead and judge, they are NOT enviro friendly blah blah blah, BUT, they areWAY COOL colors, and my beans totally dig em...AND that matters more.

and i could barely sleep because i was SO excited to give this smoothie thing a REAL go....

and DAMN...i loved, the beans LOVED, (there is no pic of the biggest bean, because he is like a teenager and sleeps all morning,) but trust, that when he woke up, he devoured his greenie as well...

i.am.so.sold

today we rocked it like this...

2 bananas.
TONS o' spinach.
some frozen mango.
ice and 2 cups of water.

cannot wait for the next batch...im thinkin some cukes and red leaf lettuce....its good shit y'all...try it...for REAL.

sending happy green vibes out there from mine to yours...

freshness

2012-01-01T12:10:00.002-05:00

i am welcoming 2012 with open arms. 2011 kicked my ass. it dragged me into some of the lowest lows ever...but its dunzo...and i cried. straight up. i teared up at 10 am this morning, remembering how f*ing TERRIBLE 2011 was, and how at 10 am one year ago, m broke his femur and my world, our world, was in upheaval...but yah know what...i realized as i shed a tear, that it was not because i was reminiscing about the sheer suckage of it all, but rather that we survived it. we did. and now it is so done, and we can move on...one day at a time...

so today...
my eyes are wide open...

* the sunlight is streaming down...
* 5 of my favorite beans are playing in the yard...
* 2 of my favorite guys are chopping wood...and i am overcome with a feeling of home with every crack of the wood being split...

*it is january...it is close to 60, the sunlight is kissing my face...and it is AMAZING

* my coffee tastes like heaven in a mug...

* there are birds chirping all around...

* my heart is happy...and full...like way filled up and brimming over...

we could all be....richer,thinner,prettier,stronger,faster,smarter,healthier,happier, nicer, better at something and if not that than something else peeps, but im NOT going there...we ARE, who we are, and i am filled up on the amazingness of that...so, i'm in 2012. thats it. i AM. period.

2012...lets be here. lets be now. lets just BE. and love up on every moment of that.

*happy new year y'all...

on just rightness.

2011-11-26T15:37:00.004-05:00

sometimes....everything feels just right...

like family.
like patterns in the ice.
like tag on the beach...in november.
like early morning snuggles from itty bitty babies while the rest of the world sleeps.
like a house full (FULL) of sleeping people that you love more than you can express in words.
like traditions that are 2 decades old.
like new traditions that feel like an old cozy pair of socks.
like yarn on your fingers.
like giant hugs and smiles from old friends.
like bottomless glasses of red wine.
like poker at midnight.
like ice cubes clanking in glasses full of scotch.
like belly laughs....from the masses.
like 65 degrees on your face when it should be 30.
like the most ahhhhmazing bloody mary's ever to touch your lips.
like crisp clean blue skies.
like football in the fall in maine under said BLUE skies.
like beans who blow me away with the size of their amazingness.
like 10 foot waves taking my breath away.
like a bright pink tutus on 6 year olds with giant brown eyes.
like reassurance from the people you care about.

*sigh* URGH...like ALL OF IT. truly...i am just as thankful as thankful can be...and i am gonna ride this vibe as long as humanely possibly....

xox.
*a

::life::

2011-11-14T16:47:00.004-05:00

uhm, i am so not going to write a blah blah story about where i have been...fact is, life has been INSANE. in every sense. so i have been living....that's all. and something had to give, and well, it was the blog for a spell, but we are here, and all is well....

since i blogged last, we have had two power outages lasting over a week, and man, i gotta tell you...pretty sure I will NEVER live off the grid...nope, not this mama. honestly, if i could pick up this family and move to some remote hut in the Caribbean, well, then we could talk....but stateside? it ain't happenin'. i give mad props to you all that make it work, but it isn't for me.

here, up in power-ville...

i am in a strange place of figuring out where my mind is, i have ALWAYS classified myself as a
"fall." one of my lovies once told me that i "am FALL...." and truthfully. i do love fall, but somehow, i have turned into a summer....and man....it has kinda snuck up on me...

me and my crew have become totally and completely enamored with our summer lovins, and all the goodz that come with...and i literally used to COUNT THE DAYS till fall...and now...DAMN....whats a girl to do when she actually dreams of sand between her toes....and sunkissed skin....*SIGH*....well, i will tell you what this mama is doing...

i am resurrecting thankfuls...i invited over a whole mess of peeps, and we pot lucked, and ate chili, and wings, and ribs, and such and let the cold brisk air fill our lungs, and drank enough wine and beer to warm our souls, and i made everyone write on my thankful board, and i am taking long spontaneous road trips, and drinking pumkin flavored coffee(ha! dunkin donuts!! this girlie is going old school), and i am gathering family and loved ones, and busting out the knitting because that REEKS of fall, and i am gonna force it back in...because there has GOT to be room for my fall in there...HAS TO BE.

so....that being said, there are TEN days till thanksgiving, where we will gather with peeps we love, i will snuggle my new nephew and exhale....we are going to a beach...BEACH! true, in MAINE, where i am sure it will be COLD as shit, but yah know what...it is STILL a beach damnit, and this mama is pretty stoked anyway.

and in the spirit of my former fall self i am giving you a list of 10 things...that i am thank-filled up on over here....

1. Baxter. yep...dog so does not get enough juju in this house, but if you know this dog, you know that he is the SHIT.

2. The chaos....truly...i am falling a little in love with the chaos...emphasis on a LITTLE.

3. Ice hockey and the early am practices...honest...it is SO fun.

4. sons of anarchy...ridiculous right? but i am SO for the whole outlaw justice system, and have told hubs numerous times that if he can find a place for us to go where a biker gang runs the town...im IN.

5. fingerless gloves....

6. red wine...(shut up people, you knew it was coming, and lets just be straight about the fact that i have brought functional alchoholic to a WHOLE new level.) (disclaimer here, i am NOT an alcoholic, but i do REALLY love my red...lots)

7. lucas james peters. he is my new nephew, and i am smitten...and cannot wait to love up on him in just 10 days....

8. RED hair dye. (don't even ask)

9. tattoo possibilities...(this may or may not be related to #4...i mean i am not going to go tattoo a reaper on my back or anything...but still....)

and 10...*sigh* ready.....ehhhh....i am cringing just saying this in my brain, but i am thankful for storm ALFRED...shhhhhhh.....ugh, i know, but really....it was a choatic, sad, and devastating mess, and for that, I am NOT grateful, but it forced everyone to SLOW down...to be together....to share...to snuggle....i got to spend TEN days hanging with these beans, camping out in the living room, a benji sleeping on top of me to keep warm, adventuring through town, and having nowhere we HAD to be...do i wanna do it AGAIN? NOPE...never, but honestly....a blessing in disguise i tell yah. and the bastard took my weeping cherry, but still alfred...i wont hate on yah...

okay okay, doing 11 for good measure...

11. FALL....i still love you...you just have to get it together...no more freak cold and cut the nonsense with the 3:45 dark, cuz that my dear, is not winning ANY awards.

surreal....

2011-08-14T20:15:00.009-04:00

* 2011 has been surreal. from GO.

new years day 10 am the big bean got broken...and it has been a battle ever since....

that being said, summer has totally rocked our world.

i am completely and utterly in love with the freedom to come and go as we please....

to run off to another little world, where all the people on the beach know us, and we know them...

a world where we wake up and pull on our suits and head to the water and don't come back till the sun is receding....

we still are lovin up on being home in between(there has been so much magic here too)....but make no mistake...if we COULD beach it all year round...WE WOULD.

*and yes...i am leaving the pic of benji giving me the finger. WHY?!? - because it is 2011. Thats why.

this week bean went back to the hospital....back to the surgeon...back to a walker and leg brace and frustrations aplenty. HOWEVER....

i have high hopes....that this time round will be better....

bean came out of surgery whole...with no more metal in his leg...and a smile on his face...and these wacked out hysterical clowns to play with (which if you ask me, is semi ridonculous....these kids are all doped up...and clowns...well...whatever....it was a riot...)
AND...he STILL wants to go to the beach...uhm, HI...i love these kids....and if you want beach pal....you got it.
as for a bit of that magic....
* today we had an afternoon that i will NEVER forget. today i was able to share with MY children, a band that my parents shared with me. Aztec Two Step....one of our all time faves...played at my folks store(thanks mimi and pa!)...it was by far...one of the most unreal...happy...sugar sweet moments of my life...they spoke to the beans while they played...it was an amazing day...truly....i still have no words...just perma grinnin' it over here....you guys rocked...seriously.

so for a bit we are back to slow-mo....but we are keeping hope in our hearts....and dreams of sun beating down on our faces...and for what its worth....dare i say it....but 2011....BRING IT....we are SO on to you.

awe

2011-07-27T17:56:00.007-04:00

*completely

*utterly

*overwhelmingly

*immersed

*blinded by

and filled up with

love for all that is around me.

sendin' mad lovins out there into the universe....from me....to you...if you want 'em...their yours...if not...pass em on.

xo,
*a

sunkissed goodness

2011-07-16T10:39:00.002-04:00

hey.

that's all really.

the beans and i have taken to being professional beach bums, and we are really stinkin' good at it.

we hit the beach at 9 am and do not come home until dinner. IF we decide to eat dinner, and not just do ice cream and movies. yep, seriously...

there are so many good things....

* no rushing....nope. NONE.
* listening to the waves roll in first thing in the morning when me and the beans are the ONLY sunkissed faces around.
* watching the sun glint off of the peaks of the waves - feels like paradise.
* relaxing with an old friend...qt is more important than you know.
* letting kids be kids.
* letting go of expectations
* good tunes
* road trippin'
* trying new things
* loving me a standby
* big ole' glasses of red wine
* iced coffees
* cape trips
* BEACH
* foot rubs
* being off the radar...and it not bothering me in the slightest....feels really really good.
* and SOAKING UP EVERY MOMENT OF SUMMER LOVINS WE CAN FIT IN THE MIX.

mad lovins y'all....
*a

10 things.

2011-06-03T19:52:00.005-04:00

sometimes i find myself straight up staring at the people in my life....the people who make up my world, and smiling....about how we know the ins and outs and sideways-ishness about each other....but then some days, i find those very same peeps staring at me with a curious look in their eyes...

life is amazing...life is beautiful...life is chaotic...life IS.

...i have started making little mental lists about everything...things that rock my world sometimes when i don't expect it...or things that make me smile...or frown...well, i guess just things...

here's whats cloggin the brain right now...

1. i listen to the radio OBSCENELY loud in the car when the beans aren't with me. OBSCENELY. honest. sometimes i forget to turn it down before the next car ride....its not pretty...

2. i like to buy wine. nope - i LOVE to buy wine. red specifically...i could spend HOURS in a package store reading all the labels, touching the bottles, trying to find the flavor of the month...yep - its like wine porn...no, really.

3. i have a phone problem. i am CONSTANTLY on my phone...it sucks. its a habit i NEED to break....but it is.just.so.hard.to.separate.from.it. - kinda makes me claustrophobic.

4. i am a sun worshiper. i know. i know. don't care...just gonna tell you. i straight up use oil. Yep. SO BAD. i am going to look like that nasty old lady in something about mary someday....and when i do, feel free to remind me that i am an ass.

5. i decided to fore-go my amazing garden this year, after many years of busting it out - i have lyme disease, and its kinda kicking my butt, which was followed by a complete and utter meltdown regarding how much i love seeing things grow, and having dirt under my nails and between my toes...needless to say...there will be a garden....

6. besides all the cuddles and kissin, i cherish more than anything listening to my beans converse when they think that we cannot hear them, and overhearing things like, "no benji, mama cannot fix your bike, she is an AR-TIST! , not a state-worker, " and

"teagan how many love notes have you written?"

"shhh, i dont want mama to hear you, but I just wrote one! MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM - how do you spell Dylan??"

7. my kids are like small adults. they know too much. this is completely an utterly MY fault...and i am certain this will bite me in the ass....probably soonish.
Last week the school psychologist told me that m told her, "lets not make things any bigger than they already are. " SUPER.

and benji frequently will respond to the question "what are you doing?" with "NOTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU." - even though it usually VERY MUCH concerns us....like emptying two FULL tubes of toothpaste into the JUST cleaned sink...in an alternating pattern...i know...so cute...right? righhhht.

8. i dream about moving to the islands and living on the beach....

9. crossing me is a BAD idea. i will bend over backwards for the people in my life....but if you cross me...you're OUT...my hubs used to call me the hippy mafia. i own it...i so do.

10. i walk a very fine line between eclectic lifestyle mama and hoarder...i collect pretty cool shit(not in a weird collectables way - in a - i just like to hang on to neat shit kinda way) , and am not the best housekeeper...it makes for an iffy combo. but i like to think that when my kids are grown they will just remember it as colorful.

anyhow, just a peek...

love y'alls...*a

moments

2011-05-13T17:34:00.002-04:00

....did you ever notice that if you catch a lil bubble on your magic bubble wand....

that you can blow more bubbles than you ever imagined possible?

...i wonder if moments in time are the same way...

like, if you catch a moment in time...

it contains a hundred other moments you might have missed if you just let it float on by...

huh.

curious...isn't it.

sendin' lovins...

2011-05-08T18:14:00.003-04:00

was a yummy day....the kind of day that you just wanna wrap up and save for another day because you don't want it ever to end...

the kinda day that you catch yourself savoring each word you overhear coming out of your beans' mouths...

the kind of day that you look around and smile because everything feels perfectly perfect...

the kind of day when the green looks greener and the sunshine feels warmer and better hitting your skin than you ever imagined it could....

sendin' mad lovin' out to all the mamas...the new ones the old ones, and the mama's to be....so much love y'all....

happy mama's day.

xox, *al

it's okay.

2011-04-27T09:24:00.003-04:00

to just be.

to pause and feel the cool air between your toes...

to spend whole days staring into these eyes....

to give up some of the control...

to ask for help...

to say no...because we cant do it all...or even close...

to crave sunshine so much it hurts...

to let your eyes rest....

to daydream through an entire day...

to have more love in your life than you know what to do with....

to pay to0 much for coffee because it feels good to have a routine that NOBODY can mess with...

to wear flip flops in the rain...

to clean the house just enough....

to make mistakes...

to forgive yourself for those mistakes...

to learn from them...

to love these beans so much that nothing else matters...

to buck the system...just a little...

to dream big...

to let music fuel your days...

to listen to the same song OVER and over and over...

to roll the windows down and sing so loud your throat gets sore....

to make goodness happen with paint, and heart and soul and snap shots of every moment that strikes you...

to open your eyes....

...and see the little magic hidden all around you...

it is there...

....and it is okay....

sometimes...

2011-04-05T18:01:00.001-04:00

the universe sends you a message...

...pay attention...

or you may miss it....

*a

enough

2011-04-03T17:39:00.004-04:00

love to go around....

spring is bringing up smiles and lovins all around...

there are happy beans...and marshmallows...and bare toes...and chilly noses.....

and goodz all around....

we got plenty...

want some?

seriously...this family loves to share...

c'mon....

mohawks and madness....

2011-03-26T16:18:00.002-04:00

did i mention i love this kid?

even if he told his teacher he would like to show her his "tramp stamp..."

seriously....

we have mohawks and mud between our toes and iced coffees and happy love faces and chaos dipped in madness and flip flops and wine before five and beach dreaming and a new fish named karma...

because listen up universe....WE ARE GONNA FAKE IT TILL WE MAKE IT....got it?

xo, *a

a lesson....in what its all about....

2011-03-13T16:52:00.006-04:00

i had a realization this week. i have been spending all this time and energy waiting for life to return to normal....

i keep saying things like, "things are really crazy right now...." and "well, once we are done with this mess..."

and then it happened...the big bean was cleared. he can walk...he can sorta run...the ramp came down..the wheelchair went away...and i exhaled...i sighed and said..."we did it..." and i SWEAR..the second i uttered those words BAM the whole family got hit with the stomach bug....kinda funny. KINDA.

all i could do was shake my head....and i gotta tell you....all of the sudden....i got it....it all made sense....LIFE is crazy -and THAT, is normal. it's supposed to be. PERIOD. this is life. and yah know what? I'M IN.

i am done fretting. this is the real deal...it-is-supposed-to-be-like-this....

shit happens. and really in all seriousness....its so amzing how much of life goes by while we - yes, all of us, are SOOOOO busy planning our next move. it is ridiculous. time to live in the now and love all of it...im gonna.

so we are rollin with it....we have remembered to laugh through the chaos, and if something goes down, and you miss a beat...one that you already planned...well, SO BE IT.

what it is really all about, is all the stuff that goes down during all the moments in between...the 3am cuddles while the little bean is projectile vomiting red peppers....or the hubs rubbing my back while he is trying to sleep at the same time....its the love notes all over the house from the beans telling mama and daddy to feel better....its being able to laugh at yourself with the people you love.... its 3 beans jammin out to u2, its little artists that like to paint on mama's canvas - and mama realizing that nothing is better than sharing the real thing with those excited little hands...its climbing in bed together after the plague has finally passed and remembering how good it feels... its catching the big bean fascinated by the process of recording a moment in time~and falling in love with how that feels...its listening to the beans love each other...and tear each other apart just mere moments apart...its the smiles on their faces as spring begins to show herself....all of it....

and its know that the world keeps revolving no matter what was supposed to go down, and didn't.

so, we are all here, eyes wide open, and loving all of it....

because listen....

you only get one shot...

so take it all in peeps....it is SO good.

xox. *a

goodz

2011-02-21T16:53:00.002-05:00

so totally and completely funked out over here.

there were two days of beautiful. sun....wind...a little warmth, and then just like that it was gone. GONE. gotta tell you, it was too much of a tease. i maybe would have rather skipped it, because i am SO FREAKIN' cold right now i am just barely able to type. and it SUCKS. i am desperate for spring. i want to rock my bare feet. bust out my spring skirts, to feel the spring air between my toes...to sit outside and watch the beans run around and play and feel the warmth of the sun...

no dice peeps. it.is.freezing.

so.....

in attempts to get over it and stop whining,

i have been in my head a whole bunch, thinkin' up all the things i love...yes, even right now while i am freezing away over here....

you want in on the goodz?
here's a little of what i am lovin up on right now...

*my new super dreamy tye-dyed yarn that calls to me all day long....
*red wine...(yes, i know its always on the list...but listen, it is ALWAYS good.)
*mama time...just for me. whisking myself away to hide in bookstores and pour through pages of cookbooks and craft books and even some magazines.....solo....so i can exhale.
*french pressed coffee. hi, i am obsessed. yep. sometimes i even pass up my nightly red wine to have my coffee. yes, really.
*headbands. any and all. honestly...i am in love.
*my neti pot...serious...clarity in a little teapot...if you don't, you so should.
*draggin out some of my most cozy and totally nasty sweaters that are such a mess and yes, were totally my dad's when he was my age, and are safety pinned together and so don't cut it wardrobe wise, but somehow they make me not hate winter quite so much....
*friends that make me laugh even when laughing right now seems SO hard and kinda inappropriate...
*the previously broken bean walking....YES!!! walking, without that FREAKING walker...i will never ever be able to walk past a walker again without cringing at the noise they make. nails on a chalkboard people. trust me.
*brussel sprouts. let me tell you. i eat them to the point that they make me sick. EVERY time. and i'm probably gonna keep doing it because i LOVE them, and i do believe it is worth it...
*one of my most favorite girlies bein preggers. coffee with you last week MADE MY MONTH. it's gonna be amazing lady. i can't wait.
*going back to work after two months of being on leave with the big bean...honestly, i went in last week and did bus duty, just.for.fun. yep...its been that good...
*ifc movies.
*impromptu visits with friends.
*breakfast quesadillas
*the fact that spring is so close i can almost...
*cozy slippers
*black and white lovins. love that.
*long weekends
*phone dates near and far
*benji's eyelashes in my face first thing in the morning
*the way the beans giggle if i dry their hair....the WHOLE time...
*owls. right? they are just.so.cool.
*photo text lovins with my sister mama wifey all day long....totally gets me through...
*keeping the story interesting....(you can read that how ever you wish.... - but - we all have a story...whats yours...)

there is just so much more....

so.....

i guess even though i am desperately awaiting some springish lovins...

it isn't so bad after all... got lotsa lovins all around....

xo,
*al

:::the melt down

2011-02-13T16:05:00.004-05:00

okay peeps...real talk.

hardest winter ever. no secret that i am a beach girl...i do love fall....and i do love new england, dont get me wrong....but people...i would give it up in a hot second to feel sand between my toes and sun on my face. i miss it. terribly. yes everyone is in the same boat, lots of snow and ice and cold and blah blah blah....listen, I AM SERIOUS....hook me up with a ticket, and i am OUT.

but in the meantime, i am embracing the life as a winter mama, accenting every ridiculous outfit i rock, with giant rubber boots and funky gloves and adding fun things like purple hair to my standby look...because really, something has gotta give.....

that being said...there is SO much beauty in all of it....and it still takes my breath away to see icicles glinting in the sun, and and the quiet of a fresh snow fall when only baxter and i are outside....and the noise of the shovel scraping against the pavement after hours of shoveling...i LOVE that noise....seriously...it is the best ever...and the wind whistling, and the crackle of the wood in the fire, and the habits - we have consumed more red wine and chili this winter than is normal....(i have a pot on the stove right now, swear it.)

but really....we are holding up...

we made 70 valentines, and about 40 thank you notes and i actually said, OUT LOUD, "if you can't craft responsibly then we wont craft at all...." hmmm....right? honestly..who says things like that???? and then i walked to the kitchen and just drank out of the bottle, because really......

m is still rocking the rehab circuit, and it is hard...like so so hard to watch...but he is doing it, and i am sure SOMEDAY this will be semi funny, but it is a WAYS off...and right now, not funny...not at all....and he is seven...and seven is hard....and those two things together....eh...suckage peeps...pure suckage. don't get me wrong people...i freakin' LOVE this bean, but holy crap...payback is a NASTY. DIRTY. LOW BLOW DIVVYING BITCH....no joke....so, if you catch a piece of my head in your territory from the explosion...be kind and send it back my way... thanks in advance...

tj is as always a rockstar...she chooses to go by the princess route, but the girl is straight up hardcore badass. she rocked a 12 hour stomach nasty last week, and i swear, she is the toughest kid i know...no tears, no fuss, and in between dry heaving and puking(i have been told vomit is not a word people use ;) ) she would look up with her giant brown eyes and ask if her daddy would like to play uno....amazing...seriously...or if she could please have a snack...

and benji...well, the kid melts me EVERY freakin' day...he is just the very best that there is. the kid walks on water. no joke. don't get me wrong, he makes more trouble than any of my beans, he makes bigger messes, and i swear is at least 50 times louder than most kids his age, but he is freakin' AMAZING. i swear it...he wakes up and rocks a costume and a smile every morning...he tells me he loves me just because, and his little brain is just so stinkin' stunning....he starts almost every sentence with "mommy and do you know what...." and when you ask him a question his default is ALWAYS...."ummmm i don't bemember...." and i heart that...so so big... and he talks to himself, and i think that is awesome....

not gonna lie...even though there are SO many smiles...its been tough, but we are workin' through it, digging out, and watching the melt....i am so so ready for mud, and sun, and spring....

in an effort to keep things on the upswing, i am making a list...in my head....for now...

of the goodz....

because it has been too long ...

....and i think we are due for some goodz....

xox, *me

....in my quiet space

2011-01-28T11:45:00.006-05:00

* i have been a little quiet over here...playing catch up on e-mails and trying to finagle a way to get my butt back to work...all while trying to maintain some level of sanity....and having a little bit of an epic fail....we are buried in so much more than just snow over here...it is layers and layers of STUFF.

*with giant thanks to my aunt for the house, and the keys, and my hubs for takin the beans, my mama wifey and i jaunted off to the beach, (which as a disclaimer may be my most favorite place in the universe....)

we packed up some amazing winter treats...lots of wine and loveliness and away we went. we had oysters and coffees on the way and when we arrived we settled in to utter nothingness, and let me tell you, is was dreamy...

there was walks on the beach, wine, snuggles, pouring through tattoo magazines and most amazingly...there was quiet. so much quiet. there were moments that i smiled to myself and thought about how these beat up eardrums felt like they were filled with magic. it was silence...SILENCE!!! ahhhmazing.

SO......

i gotta tell you...there was a time, that i never would have made this work...i would have never packed up and spent a weekend away from the hubs and the beans...but i needed it...i needed some recharging, and more importantly i needed to step back and give myself permission to need that and permission to take a break....

so i did. and i loved it more than i can put into words.

....and i came home refreshed. exhausted....but a whole different kind of exhausted...not beat down and run down...just tired and at ease, and ready to start fresh.

ready to be snowed in and rock some baking and some making and some deep breathing...ready to pick some battles, and ready to have at it.

...and i missed the beans...and i missed the man...and sometimes a little step away is all you need to regain your balance....

so we are here. we are home. there has been snow , and knitting, and fires, and legos, and bickering, and coffee-pressing, and cookie baking, and movies, and purple hair...(yes, really) and choas...and laughs...and yelling, and healing, and dancing, and mohawks...and lovins...and attitude adjusting and crazy funkishness all around....

this will pass people, and i am gonna be here still diggin out when it does....

the healing bean is doing beautiful by the way...he is powerin all over this house with his walker, and he will be out of the woods here soon i hope...

mad lovins your way peeps....mad crazy lovins...xo, *a

updates and snowcovered sweetness....

2011-01-12T13:57:00.009-05:00

*just an update from under the 2 feet of snow we have been blessed with...

the broken bean, is doing better...

he is learning quickly how to maneuver, and we are getting creative over here to make it work....because that is just the way this whole thing is gonna need to go down, or i may just go entirely insane...

we had several rough rough rough days, in which i am not sure who was more frustrated, me or him....(i know, you all think him...but clearly then, you have not had a seven year old following you around the house with his "ride" shaking his head and rolling his eyes and yelling, "TALKING TO YOU IS LIKE TALKING TO THE WALL..." clearly....you have not....or writing in his journal that today his leg feels fine but his mom SUCKS....HA! now, stop shaking your head, and admit, maybe it was ME.

but we seem to have moved on from that madness....and are making forward movements....

so,

yesterday we piled bean in the car, (his first time out since he came home from the hospital!!) and headed out to a dreamy lunch date and then to see his doc for his post op appt. doc was happy with his progress, and it looks like we will be able to start setting a plan in place to start school with maybe half days, if the PT folk are comfortable with this choice...(don't even ask me if i am...you won't like my answer....) we are still in for six plus cozy weeks with his stinkin adorable little wheelchair, which honestly, he totally rocks, followed by walker and/or crutch time...

and i am mostly on board with all this, and i think everything is going pretty smoothly....

but what is totally draggin me down, is this....

*my little man, putting on a happy face for me, when there are TWO feet of snow falling on the ground, and any other day, he would have had his snow gear on by six am...

and it sucks.

we are trying to have a good time, and there is a crapload of logo-n' goin on up in this house, with music and dance parties, and sugary lovins and pretty much anything we can do to keep the smiles flowing, and while i was bustin out some butternut squash soup, i walked in to a pretty slammin air guitar session, so i guess, for now...we are doing okay.....

and just as a lil treatfrom me to you, if you are snowed in, and have some extra squash kicking around...this soup, is rockin and mad easy....(and no i was not drinking the pinot noir peeking out of the corner during the day....though honestly, not sure you should put it past me....

*roasted squash soup*

ingredients

* 2 butternut squash
* 3 - 4 large yellow onions (dice 'em)
* 6 stalks of celery (chop 'em)
* a handful of sage leaves (chop)
* some olive oil
* 2 tbsp of butter
* salt - a bit
* 12 cups of chicken broth....

* 1/2 tsp of nutmeg
* 1/2 tsp of cayenne pepper

*some freshly grated parm. (to top later)

so...
brush the squash with some olive oil and a dash of salt and pepper....

roast the squash in the oven at 425 until soft and a little browned on the edges...(i use pre peeled squash from the store...)

after you take the squash out,

melt the butter in a giant pot...
toss in the onions, sage and celery....

saute until transparent...(just under ten minutes-ish)

add squash, broth, nutmeg and cayenne....(and i add a dash of garlic salt - yes, because i am having an affair with garlic salt...)

bring it to a boil....

reduce heat and let simmer for 20 minutes

*let it cook.....then pulverize it

serve with a little fresh parm....and enjoy!! :)

mad lovins' y'all.....

*al

the whole freakin' saga

2011-01-08T08:30:00.013-05:00

first off, happy new year? yes, i am asking...

i haven't had even a moment to sit down at this computer and formulate but a single thought on how to explain the utter and complete madness that is taking place in this house, but i am ready to try...i think....

one week ago, we were chilling with some of my oldest and favorite friends , tucking in 6 rowdy beans, and ringing in the new year with a GIANT sleepover, tons of apps, bottles of wine, laughs, and smiles...

and approximately ten, YES TEN, hours into 2011, and our world was rocked...and not in a good way...so, before i go any further, let me just say, we are SO blessed. we know how much worse that this could have been...and we are lucky...SO LUCKY.

that being said....this SUCKS.

hang on...this is gonna be a long one, and there isn't much rosey-eyed happy goin' on...but i need to get it all out there...for me...and for any of you, that want to know...

we decided early on in our sleepy post new years haze, that it would be a great idea to get the beans, all six of em out to play...there was talk of coffee, and beach going, and all sorts of madness....but we never made it that far...

the beans wanted to have some sled time...and really...what was the harm in that...we piled outside, and everything was disjointed - like none of us really knew where our plans would take us, BUT, everyone was smiling...and it seemed like all else faded away...we would just take it a step at a time...

so, a few beans took runs down the hill in their front yard...then the biggest bean, grabbed a sled, he hopped on, and that was literally the moment all changed. he went plowing down the hill, and my girl tried to jump out of the way, but he caught her by just a tad, and wrapped his leg around in just the right direction to make a MESS.

now, just as a side-note here. we had NO idea that this child was injured at all...not even an inkling...this is a kid who literally FREAKS, about a loose tooth...

so, i pulled out the tough love mama bear, and dropped my best, "you're fine, GET UP...." but he didn't....he cried...he took several deep breaths, he cried some more, and i dropped another "c'mon pal, you are tougher than that...get up...." and still, he didn't.

SO hubs carried him up to our car, shaking his head in disbelief that this kid was making such an issue over wiping out once....but after some joking around and letting him calm down, i went over to the car, and tried to reason with him...i asked him if he was really hurt...his response, "mom, i am FINE...just you go sled and let me sit here...it's FINE."

so i responded with a "can you tell me what it feels like?? does it hurt like a flu shot? a bee sting? a skinned knee? what?? tell me buddy....mommy needs to know so i can help you..."

and the stoic bean - "mom...just listen, it feels a little worse than a bee sting..."

and me..."okay, well, lets go get coffee, and if it still hurts, maybe we will take you to the doctor...." NOW - before you roll your eyes, okay, fine, i know half of you already did, the kid SAID IT FELT LIKE A BEE STING....but, just for good measure, i asked the biggest bean if i could just look at his leg and make sure that nothing was bleeding or blue or anything....
he was not psyched about letting me, but looked the other way as i lifted up his snowsuit, and as i did, he started to shake...like REALLY shake...like NO way was he crying wolf shake...
and this when i knew we were up shit's creek...

we quick made a plan to take him to the nearest clinic. we piled the other five into k and b's car, , the most decisive we had been in DAYS, to follow them to the clinic, we would take m in, and they would take the other five beans to get a doughnut and to the beach to run around. plan was to meet them at the beach when we were done...assuming we were gonna get an ace bandage and the kid would be fine...HA. AS IF.

The clinic was a disaster...it was as this little man was possessed...he was nasty, and mean to everyone who came near him...and me, (still not convinced that this was anything serious,) was all "stop being a bucket dipper, " and blah blah blah....and he would glare back as if to say "yah know what you can do with that f-in bucket..." no seriously, he was THAT mean....but the staff took quickly to bribing him, with legos, and whatever else would make him smile...

after lots of chaos, some xrays, a whole bunch of doctors with jaws on the ground as they stared at the images, m and i found ourselves in the back of an ambulance headed to Yale (with bry following us in the van), where we would be greeted by doctors and surgeons and anesthesiologists galore, more lego bribes, talk of what ifs, hospital stays ????, best case scenarios, and worst case scenarios being spelled out...and this right here is where it started to set in....things got scary...and REAL.

m was taken into surgery, he put on a brave face as he was wheeled out of the room, and things were surreal.... bry and i sat, teary eyed and overwhelmed, for four hours, hoping and praying, and pacing...our AMAZING support system had already kicked into place, my folks were on their way home early from vacation in order to get to the hospital and be by our sides...k brought food up to the hosp, as it was 6 o'clock, and nobody had eaten since 8 am...the other two beans were still with k and b, and where not even a thought in our minds, we knew that they were well taken care of, and we could focus all of the necessary attention on or little man...so we did....the texts and email were rolling in, people offering to come grab the other beans if we needed, to offer words of love and support, prayers and well wishes...it took us through the 4 hours....i promise...it helped more than any of you know.

after the surgery was said and done, our little brave man lay quietly in and out of sleep in the recovery room...his newly repaired leg under layers and layers of warming blankets...our little man, with an adult sized plate and fourteen...yes, FOURTEEN screws in his little man leg....he was in good spirits...(and on morphine...) and the nurse was just so in awe of this little guy, who refused to sleep...he just wanted to talk to us...to know if he was done, and if we could go home...(sorry pal...no dice...)

things kinda slowed from this point on...remember we were checked into the hospital for an extended stay, on a holiday! weekend...BAD PLAN. it was like a skeleton crew at best, and everything was kind of a blur...we were met in his room by mimi and pa, who clearly had driven at the speed of light to be by our sides...honestly, is was just as surreal as it had been in the beginning...but we powered through....and as hours turned into days, the big picture began to paint itself...everything as we knew it...was going to change. our MOST self sufficient child, had suddenly become our least self sufficient child...crutches - were not even in the NEAR future...and this boy...our little man, was going to have to learn to get around in a wheelchair...(WHAT????) there would be no school....for him, OR me....he couldn't use the bathroom solo, and and and....and everything was SO SO overwhelming....and i just couldn't seem to STOP...and
process...that it was gonna need to be one step at a time...literally...

as the week progressed things began to fall into place...and sitting here one week later, life is LESS overwhelming...we have made progress...m can use his walker to get in and out of his chair...he can use the bathroom (mostly) solo....he took a shower yesterday...he's 7 people, and it had been a WEEK....SO UNCOOL...there IS a light at the end of this tunnel...and its temporary...and it could have been worse....and we know that....

m is not the easiest patient, but we kinda knew that was coming...but he is getting there....he is a brave little man, and if anything has come from this, its that other minor things...will FINALLY be no big deal...he fell the second day home, (leg was fine) and knocked out a tooth...(yes, a baby tooth, or i may have thrown in the towel) and he did NOT freak out...which is A BIG STEP....
and he is just so flattered that people are thinking about him...every time he gets a phone call or a card in the mail, or a visitor just stopping by to check in, the kid is OVER the moon...and he has taken to calling it his "healing leg," not his "broken leg," which just makes me a happy mama...really....

the long and short of it is, the kid will be in a wheel chair for six weeks...upon which time he will be able to start touching his foot down to the ground again....post six weeks, he will be able to use the walker, or the crutches and will begin his intensive therapy to relearn how to walk, which the docs are predicting should be smooth sailing, as he is so young...so, we are far from out of the woods, but we are on our way...hopefully at 4 weeks he will be able to return to school, and me to work, if not sooner, with his wheelchair an his elevator key...awesomeness....

i have to tell you though, there have been moments this week, that i have found myself alone...staring out the window, with tears rolling down my face...and not because of our little mans' misfortune...but because i feel SO blessed. because the people in our lives that have stepped up, have literally finished every thought for us before we even have to try to complete them....there have been calls and lovins via textin' and cards, and meals dropped off, (i have not cooked in a week...) some of our nearest and dearest keeping the dog till m is more steady and dropping movies, and video games, and snazzy pants for m to sport with his brace, and visits, and play-dates for the other two to keep them occupied, the mental and emotional support...and errands run without us needing to ask, (i know i am rambling....it seems to be my thing these days...) and just AMAZING peeps all around helping us to keep this very rocky ship moving forward...and for that, there are just not even enough words i can say to offer my thanks...seriously....you people rock my world...our world, all of you...

we got high hopes people...2011 can only go up from here....

:: on channeling...duality....snowishness....and pee....

2010-12-27T14:46:00.007-05:00

me - hey guys, wanna go play in the snow???

2 beans - YEAHHHHH! (all while running and screaming around the house...)
benji.....eh.

me - c'mon benj....let get suited up and go sled. benj - eh.

2 beans - yeahhhhhhhh!

me - awhhh benj...you are a beach bum like your mama huh? (sighing - SO PROUD)

benj - no mommy...i am a house bum....i wanna stay here. IN OUR HOUSE - it is COLD MOMMY we will be SO FREEZING if we go to da beach, right mommy?!?
*sigh*....yep. right on mr. literal. we will.

we are surfing the post holiday crash here.

which luckily snagged a slammin' blizzard right on its tail, so we have been snowed in and making due....it's kinda nice to not have anywhere we HAVE to be...or anything we HAVE to do...

so, we are playing in the snow...building forts...crying about our cold fingers....rockin out to jack johnson, and a boat load of billy joel...(because he's one of my go-to men...) devouring hot cocoa with marshmallows spilling over the top...cleaning house....decluttering....detoxing...de-whatevering we have to do....to make it all work...

this weekend has been about duality for me, about putting out and channeling my inner goddess...and it turns out, she rocks a whole lot more than i thought she did....

hubs was on snow duty and i have been flying solo with the beans...i was nervous...bout being alone...i do welcome the solo time, don't get me wrong...but, i also like my man takin care of me...doing the man thang all up in this house...

but turns out...when it comes down to it...i kinda dig the whole kickin' ass and takin' names gig.

hubs usually has a to do list to last a lifetime...and i usually "wo"man my post, with the beans, and the shopping, and the cooking, and and and. so, i added a "take down the damn xmas tree," and fix the closet, and and and....before he zipped on outta here to go plow...36 hours ago...

so, while the beans were eating dinner last night, and i was contemplating vacuuming those freakin' needles off that rug for the gazillionth time...i thought, what the hell. why can't I just do it? why cant i take down the tree....so, i did. it was inefficient, it was messy, (really messy) i looked like i got beat by a little man wielding a sap stick...., there were branches everywhere, and i will probably be pickin' pine needles out of my bra for the next 3 days, but I did it. MYSELF. and it felt good....and the beans were impressed...which kinda rocked...but also made me think...

about the way our actions speak louder than our words....

about how i can tell these beans that they can do anything they set their hearts to till i am blue in the face....but i do a lot of honey-do listin' up in this house.

so today, we put that to bed. we got up and we channeled....we channeled our best selves...for me...thats about letting that goddess woman climb out and rock herself all over this house...its about yoga pants and summer skirts, and ridonculous outfits that make me smile and dont make ANY sense....its about makin' chili for the masses, its about breakfast burritos and red wine for dinner, its about giant pots of coffee and peppermint bark for breakfast, its about keeping the fire stocked up and going...without asking for help...its about teaching these kids to stand up get it DONE.

its about breathing and smiling, while the wind is nipping at our cheeks...its about the dull ache between my shoulder blades
while i am shoveling the snow so hubs come home later and not have to do it.....

its about OWNING my duality...and smiling on the inside....

not just on the outside.....who knew...

its about standing strong solo style...rockin it, and then about folding into the big mans arms when he walks through the door....making house...HOME.

***as for the pee....well....i just feel like there is always somebody peeing somewhere, or on something, or in something that they shouldn't be....yesterday, i squatted - yep. in my own house, because i swear i had already wiped the seat 700 times...and i was damned if i was gonna do it again...but turns out, i ended up wiping the seat off before i left the bathroom, cuz...honestly...what choice do i have... so, for good measure....pee.

happy happy

2010-12-24T12:32:00.003-05:00

sending big love your way....

and reindeer wishes....

....and joy filled faces...

......and sugary kisses

.....and hearts swelling all up with goodz and shit all around you....

as always...*a

uhm....yeah.

2010-12-13T09:22:00.002-05:00

i would like to make a list. a list with #348 things on it to tell you where we are at over here in critton-ville.

but i cant.

so instead....this pic.

because i think it says it all....

in three little faces. how i feel...there is the chaos.......there is acceptance of the chaos...the rose colored glasses that enable us to see what we wanna...and there is benji....B-E-N-J-I....who just believes the only way to make it better than it already is, is to squeeze it as hard as he can till he has captured all the lovins...

*sigh*....i stinkin' love these beans.

round up...a little late...

2010-12-06T08:57:00.003-05:00

hi.

i am at a loss for words here.

i know. SO.NOT.LIKE.ME.

but really.

i blinked, and fall was gone....

the world just seems to be spinning by a billion miles an hour, and every time i turn around, these kids are bigger, and another month has gone by, more teeth have fallen out, this one can read and that one can write and and and and i have no idea how to make it slow down. so, i have chosen to tune out a little. i have been neglecting my blogishness, i have been crafting, and printing, and cooking, and carving, and loving up on these beans and the Mr. and all of his hard work that makes this house a home......

our days have been kinda full - family dinners full, playdate full, good peeps full...the kinda full, that you get in bed and fall asleep and when you open your eyes it is simply not possible that it is already morning....

these days, i find myself staring into my morning coffee and just marveling in the moment, the quiet of my cappuccino while the world rushes all around me....and other times my eyes are caught up in the excitement of it ALL....and the comfort of familiarity mixed all up and intertwined with the newness of everyday....and loving it ALL, as always....

we put up our funky little tree yesterday...and i was so teary just looking at the years of collected treasures hanging on the tree, the handmade homespun years....it is just SO fast...wasn't it just last year we were walking through the woods, crazy teenagers in love??

but i guess that is how life moves, in fast forward...i need to slow things down....but i am all tangled up in trying to figure out how to do that. so, i want to know/need to know....what do y'all do to slow down your days.....do tell....

somedayz

2010-11-10T11:52:00.003-05:00

i just need to interrupt this very productive-housewife-ish style day to say,

that waking up to "mmmmmoooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy i neeeeeeeedddddd youuuuuuu tooooo wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe my bummmmmmmmmmmmm," at 4:45....is KIND OF charming....

but when your husband rolls over and says..."i got this..."

it.is.even.better.

mad brownie points pal. i promise.

on the brain....

2010-11-06T19:42:00.005-04:00

saturday night. i am home. chaos is ensuing all around me, the beans are making lists and lists and more lists as all these stinking catalogues roll in for the holiday season, and i am sitting here with my coffee, and pondering a venture.....

i have a friend from college...a hugely talented and beautiful woman named Natalia, who has written a cookbook...a RAW cookbook. Thats right people....a no cook - cookbook...i know right?

i have always been intrigued by people who can pull this off, not only because it sounds reeeeeaaalllllyyy hard, but also, because these people freakin' glow. seriously. their skin is flawless, and radiant, their hair looks amazing, and they just LOOK healthier than everyone else....and well, i guess i am thinkin' they must be on to SOMETHING....

BUT...

yup, there is a BUT...here is the thing....

i LOVE, not like, LOVE, to feed and nourish and COOK for people. i love to spend an afternoon making a big pot of chili...or soup, or lasagna, and i like to share it with people. i really really do. like share share...like bring it to work and share.

i swear in my past life i was somebody's little italian grandma who just cooked and cooked and cooked all day. i have been like this as long as i can remember...i used to hole up in the apartment with my roomies when i was in college and bake apple pies...lots of 'em so we could share.... and, well, i am kind of addicted to that feeling...that sharing homecooked goodness feeling. i think it actually may be a deep seeded root of who i am...like my religeon-ish...huh.

so, here in lies the problem....could this work for ME?? i honestly have NO idea...

so, what to do....i am committed to at least checking it out, so i have been really thinking about what i NEED from food. and i started to think about me, and my body, and how i feel SO much better in the summer months, as i think most of us do, because we are consuming so much good fresh produce....and how if i was gonna do this...summer would probably be a far better time then fall....which is my nesting time....but i digress....

AND, i am not willing to be that closed minded a person...i won't do it...i figure there is no harm in just checking things out... just testing the water a touch...

supplementing what i would say is my mostly "pure" way of eating...

maybe have a detox-ish....and eat raw for a bit...

which brings me to tonight...(the folks owning a health food store helps) i popped on over to NG and grabbed a mess of ingredients for my girl Natalia's sunny hummus - which by the way, i haven't been able to eat for TWO YEARS because i am not tolerant of chick peas unfortunately...*hummus is one of my MOST favorite foods* let me tell you...

I -COULD-CRY. not only is it AMAZING....it is raw, and dreamy and soooooo freakin' easy. i added some olives and extra garlic, and i am one happy mama over here....

so...while i am hugely undecided if i could jump in and go for it...i am very much inspired and really want to TRY this....i have been browsing the web for tips and tricks and such, and while i am still far from convinced that i could pull this off, i really want to check it out...and the way i see it...25% raw, is still 25%...and that my friends, is a start, right?

go, no, RUN, and check out this cookbook peeps, it is really a rockin' good time...the images are gorgeous, and inspiring, and really just make me want to totally immerse myself in RAWNESS....she offers this as an e-book type deal as well, which is pretty awesome...though i am wishing i had a hard copy of it to pour through and soak up in right now because it is just THAT GOOD.

i will keep y'all posted....

october lovins....

2010-10-31T04:15:00.001-04:00

i am all

sniffles and sneezes and snot today, so i thought maybe it would be a good time to sit down with a hot cup of coffee and daydream about all the goodz....while i listen to all the beanies and their daddy yell at the tv in the other room...which is also kinda funny....

fall is all encompassing in these here parts, and i cannot even pull the words to tell you how lovely things have been 'round here.

the trees are changing and these beans are just loving up on all of it....and me, well, i guess i am waiting for the other shoe to drop. i feel like life in general is just a giant whirlwind right now....

sure there are some downs...everybody has 'em, but right now, i feel like i am rockin a wicked *yes, wicked...i know, so early nineties new england...but yes, a wicked case of perma-grin. things are just SO. seems like it all comes out in the wash, and everyday is just a rockin good time....EVEN if it sucks big....we are ridin' those waves too.

which brings me to today - halloween. i have been listening to a chorus of "when are we leaving" - "is it time yet" -"can we go now" and "can i have just ONE more" FOR HOURS.....my head may explode soon... (the last one was bry)

and i know halloween is an absolute favorite for lots of kids... but, my little man has, NO JOKE - been in some form of a costume, since JULY NINTH. so we knew today was gonna be one of those days, where you kinda have to look the other way and chalk it up to it not being the days we would be winning any parenting awards....

we woke up to CRAZED beans, i think there was some chocolate at the breakfast table!! , these kids were FULLY in costume by 6 o'clock, and all ready to rock out (though benji REFUSED to believe that today was actually THE DAY....) and we later overheard t explaining to the little bean that under NO circumstance do you go trick or treating without your underwear on....and i had to smile....because at that point, i figured at least one of these kids will make it outta here with some barings....(possibly two - if he decides to listen to her instead of us )

off to figure out what i will use for leverage now that halloween is almost gone....hmmmm......

hope you are all marinating in your own fall goodness....we certainly are.....

2010-09-29T11:36:00.004-04:00

okay folks. this is gonna be long-ish, and semi incoherent, possibley disjointed...and so much more...

BUT, hear this. OH WELL....

ready -

*it - is - here -folks....

happy fall...

as requested, the official countdown IS ON...., wait for it - okay there are officially, as of this moment, exactly 57 days until thanksgiving....which makes me SMILE.

it is not quite here, which gives us plenty of time to plan, BUT, it is less than 60 days away...and well.....what can i say, love my turkey day peeps...and the mere thought of a whole weekend of thanksgiving goodness being so stinking close makes it a little bit easier to get through the tae kwon do 3 NIGHTS a week, and the dance carpool, and the birthday parties, and and and....not that i don't cherish every moment, but i have learned that you can cherish something, and not actually ENJOY it.

life is a bit chaotic here, and i find myself choking a bit when i sit down to write....

sure there are a billion things these kidlets do every day that i COULD blog about ~

but some of them i just wanna hold close to my heart and treasure right now, like no matter how much they bicker during the day, they always tell each other goodnight and i love you,

and the way benji begs the kids to kiss him goodbye before they leave for school,

and how i overhear tj explaining to benji that she is "a ma-am, NOT a sir," and that she will call him sir if he promises to call her ma'am...

....and how the big guy tries to practice his tae kwon do to impress us, but that i am secretly impressed by the way his giant mind works every day....

and how benji says thank you and his dialect is so precious i could scream...i.e. "thank yous fors mine snack..." then how he sits back and beams at you with his giant eyes...

but the others, well, it isn't just about drooling and rolling over and saying lovely things and spitting up anymore, it is about what i am doing to RUIN their lives, or how benji will positively die if pa doesn't give him a pickle, or how tj neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds another pair of shoes, or how because of me, m will be an outcast forever......ahhh....the joys.

fact is, these beans are stinkin' huge...and 98 percent of the time, they totally rock...BUT, there are definitely times that i contemplate running away and joining a commune somewhere where kids don't have video games, and fashion accessories, and all the extras that WE JUST DON'T need. *sigh* and as much fun as all that is, who really wants to hear about that....

deep breath...i guess that was my incoherent - i am overwhelmed, but not, rant for the day... for now - i am gonna choose this. here. now.

my mantra has been for some time ~ my own self, at my very best, all the time....~ which comes from a place i hold very near and dear, which is probably a story for another day....but at any rate, i am gonna focus on being my own self...at my very best, and growing these little beans to do the same...and if that means that the snacks aren't cut in cute little shapes, and the outfits are all self chosen (which rocks) and i cant find time to join the pto, and I DON'T CARE IF EVERY OTHER KIDS MOM LETS THEM....then so freaking what?!?!!

it's fall people. and i choose, here, now.

through the mosaic of fall trees and the gorgeous breeze , the taste on our tongues of fresh cider, and the hiking up of our sleeves and digging in to bask in falls goodz...i choose it all....chaos and all. as always. all the time.

what....do you choose....?

xo, *a

sometimes.....

2010-09-22T08:38:00.004-04:00

sometimes - i love. all of it.

sometimes - i don't understand how i could be so very blessed....and i wonder if i deserve all these goodz...

sometimes - i wish upon a star for the answers to questions floating around in my head....life questions peeps - real world questions - the kind that don't always have answers....

sometimes - i sit back and smile at all the goodness all around me - and i think my heart may burst....

sometimes - i love my little world so much that i can't breathe and i want to squeeze it so tight that it turns crazy colors and little stars fly all around...

sometimes - i am in awe of nature....all of it, and i have trouble putting one foot in front of the other because everywhere i look something is filling me with amazement and curiosity.

sometimes - i feel like i am walking on air, and that there is a soundtrack for every moment of time that passes....

sometimes - i am mad to the core that i can't let my true authentic self climb out of her skin and rock and roll the way she wants to for fear of what comes with that....but then i wonder...if she is really wants to come out, or if she is pretty damn content takin' up space in my head....

sometimes - i am the best mama....who makes my beans world a far better place...

sometimes - i am a grouchy mama - who lacks the patience and understanding i SHOULD have because i get caught up in too many things that will pass if i just choose silence and LET THEM...

sometimes - i am cranky and pms filled and i yell and carry on about nothing in particular and everything in between - yes, like a 5 year old.

sometimes - i laugh....till i cry...and i smile till it hurts....

sometimes - i don't.

sometimes - i can't.....

sometimes - i am in go mode....and other times...i wait....and i am not good at that....

sometimes - i feel so filled full with life that i have no idea which end is up....

sometimes, i am alot of things...and sometimes....i am not....

i am not sometimes, but always, as always...me. and i am practicing owning that....*sigh*

wide open....

2010-09-12T18:46:00.003-04:00

i am so embracing the fall goodness that is upon us right now....

i love nothing more than grabbing a sweatshirt any my comfy ratty jeans-ditching the deodorant - digging out my clogs, cranking up the tunage and basking in the fall.ish.ness all around us beans. the days have been perfect and the nights of snuggling and extra blankets are upon us.

i have to be wide open and honest, for the first time in a VERY long time, i was dreading falls arrival, as it meant the end of beach time, play time, sun kissed beans, natures grocer lunch daties everyday, free days and all night chill time, schedulessness (i know, not a word) and endless hours to read and soak up books and sand between my toes, and i could-just-go-on-forevah.....but as soon as fall peeked her gorgeous sun bleached locks out from behind summers' golden hazy hip shaken goodz, I.WAS.SOLD....

and it all came pouring back.

so here we are...shaking OUR hips, spinning around, and making our space in the goodz. i went to the grocery store, and honestly couldnothelpmyself...i bought everything i could think of fall food....not even joking...in the next 24 hours, i plan to construct a new butternut squash recipe - mainly because i cant find my old recipe... - tuna casserole, chicken picatta, chile, and apple pies....i know - ri-dic-u-lous. but i cant help it peeps. - i am head over heels....AGAIN*

not to worry....my love affair with summer - well, i will hold it near and dear - it was so filled with wonderful, with real talk stuff - (as my girl says)...and with embracing, balancing, sustaining, healing and FINALLY, growing, and i will welcome summer with open arms when she makes her way back to me...

but for now....all is just exactly where it belongs.

so many fall kisses your way friends,

knee deep.

2010-09-08T17:15:00.005-04:00

we are getting down and dirty here. september is all up in our business - and we are pretty much diggin' it.

school is underway. the beans are immersed. i am back at work, and not yet fully on board, but i will get there.

i had a fleeting moment this week, where i thought the little bean might cry as i dropped him at school for the first time...none of my beans have ever had separation anxiety from me...and well - this one didn't either - this is how he walked away...down the bridge, hands in the air - like, back off ma, i am fine.

(it's okay, because secretly i know he was totally breaking down inside.)

and this is why he pulls shit like this when he gets home.

no matter....i am all set. gonna love it ALL. EVERY day. because i simply cannot come up with a reason not to.

xox. *a

goodz n' such....

2010-09-01T08:44:00.007-04:00

back on the bus y'all. literally....i have been like the absent minded mama, and even the hubs jumped on board the other day to mention my utter lack of bloginess lately.

fact is, summer has been so stinkin' filled with goodz, that i have just kinda been holding it close to my heart.

we have had lovins all around, from friends and family to greens and sun. and i am just so sad to see summer fading away.

i.want.it.to.last.forevah!!!!

i am not ready for the sun kissed skin to disappear.....at all.

or the bold colors of summer and garden goodness to drift into the cooler air.....at all.

but the goodz of it all, is we love fall up in our faces just as much as summer, and i am pretty sure once i am knee deep in it, i will probably love it even more...cuz that is just the way we roll in these parts.

wishin' you all buckets of sunshine.......xo, *a

holy chaos

2010-07-16T09:36:00.002-04:00

eh. summerness.is.kicking.my.fanny.

all is good, and chaos filled, and curious, and busy....but i cant post, because let me tell you that I HAVE SUMMER BRAIN. holy crap. i cannot barely put one foot in front of the other efficiently at this point. it.is.ridiculous.

*i just spelled foot - fut. seriously. it's a mess.

we have been seriously chaos filled and crazy is coming out of our ears at this point...but i still freaking love summer...and the warm sun touching down on me and my babies....

me and the beans have a new practice of keeping a "goodz" list....and it's that simple....keep the goodz out there in the open, and that way when shit gets nutty....the goodz are right there to snap yah back...

here's some of my goodz....

* we spent a week at the beach with the aunt and her amazing care-taking friends, and i feel like i have gained new extended family. my aunt is battling cancer, and as i mentioned earlier - kicking ass and taking names...and yes, she is insane to let me and this crew chill at the cottage with her through this process, but it.was.amazing. an experience that i feel so incredibly blessed to have been a part of. these women just rocked my world. the house functioned like a well oiled machine...(a slightly noisier one with my crew on board) and we fell right into step...it was a really wonder-filled week....one that made me smile, cry, laugh, and remember that people are ahhmazzing....like REALLY amazing. we cannot wait to go back and do it all over again.

* artichokes. my beans LOVE artichokes. and i must say, that i think that they are one of the most amazing and beautiful things that exist in nature, and not to mention how the layers peel back to the heart which is protected by these prickly leaves....ugh, i know too deep for artichokes...but honest...i am in awe of artichokes...

*halloween recycling...benji is in a phase at this moment if sporting a costume just about everywhere he goes. and i mostly let him, because it's sorta cute, and soon it won't be anymore, and i like how it makes people stop and smile - even if their in a rush around life...however, i had to draw the line during the heat wave last week when he was sporting a giraffe FLEECE costume and it was 101 degrees out, because i was actually concerned that somebody was going to call DCF. but we compromised on a cape and goggles....life is good....someday, decisions will be far more difficult....right now, i dig.

*partying with good peeps. we have been putting in some serious hang time here, and it is good. i am tired, but i feel good, and whole, and happy to have relocated the fun piece again....

*ani difranco...because she's ani. and i heart her and her truths.

*admitting that parenting is HARD. and that there are plenty of moments here that i am not winning any awards...(like the moment yesterday that T wouldn't stop bugging her brothers while i was trying to take a shower - so i finally put her, fully clothed, in the shower with me - because if she couldn't behave, she had to go EVERYWHERE with me - which HORRIFIED her...)but that at the end of the day we all fall asleep with smiles glued to our faces...and heads dancing full of goodz.

*water. my beans are having a crazy love affair with the water, that makes me too stinkin' happy. lake, beach, pool....doesn't matter...they are like fish...and i LOVE that.

*my list is big....so i put that on the goodz list. that there are so so many goodz....so many...

we wanna know whats on your goodz list people...speak up...shout it out...OWN IT!! let's share...leave us a goodz...pretty please....

much love and chaos to you and yours...

xox,

*the beans. and me.

joy*

2010-06-24T09:58:00.002-04:00

i have no idea how 20 days passes without a peep from my neck of the woods, because here it is so freaking loud you would simply not believe it.

so to dish a bit....

hubs and i went away for a night last weekend, after an amazing prefathersdayfoodfestivusevening, to a wedding of some dear friends, and people, i swear to you, if i could put into words the amazingness of it, i would, but there is simply no way. there was a vibe of love all around, a sing along that simply reminded me that joy is all around us, even in the everyday....and that i couldn't imagine having been in a better place at that very moment even if i tried....being surrounded by old friends, reliving old memories and making new ones...it was just....well, i can't. there is just no way to express...but i hearted every second of this weekend. all of it...

*and here*

we have been busy bees here, i am trying to minimize, organize, and make sense of all the chaos in our home, i am a saver, and that is fine, but the clutter makes me a little crazy, and i have in my midst three tiny savers, which makes for alot of clutter.

so i have been taking on a job or two a day, and we are getting there. we have a ways to go, but we will succeed at this.

*on summer*

the kidlets and i have wrapped up school, and we are kind of loving the ease of every day life with out the schedule. nobody cranks at me in the morning about getting ready, and packing lunch, and and and.

there will be the chaos of camps and lessons, and playdates, but for the next few days we are taking it slow, followed by a week of beach time, which makes the beans happy happy....and their mama of course....

hubs is taking a much deserved hiking trip...for SIX. YES SIX days. so i will be flying solo, and in an effort to make the very most of things, we will head to the shore for the down time and lovins we so look forward to all winter long. i cannot wait to listen to the waves crash on the sand, feel the sun beating down on my skin, and watch the beans play in nature. it makes me whole.

*JOY*

so things are joy filled. there is lots of love swirling all around, and reconnnecting, and dreaming. all is good. even the shit thats really BAD, is going pretty well right now, and i am not gonna question that....just gonna keep a smile on this face and keep hope in my heart....

on letting it be.

2010-06-03T11:27:00.004-04:00

my list of to do's around this home, well, it's big. super big. but the thing is, sometimes i am so focused on the to do's, that i miss out on the right nows. i need to clean the floors, do the laundry, pick up pick up pick up....

on M's mothers day list of things his mama loves..."mommy's favorite activity....picking up the house." UGH. (especially since my house is almost always in disarray - even when it's at it's cleanest.)

people, the right nows, are so very much more important....

so, in an effort to focus on the right nows....

what we are loving up - RIGHT now...

*wet garden feet

*staying up late - (which leads to lots of unfun whininess during the day...)

*independence. in some form or another - all five of us seem to be branching out and exploring our own selves....it's pretty neat.

*reconnecting with old and wonderful friends.

*plants....everywhere plants. it rocks.

*big giant thunderstorminess in the middle of the night with lots of cuddling and chatting and awe of mother nature.

*the year winding down. we. are. done. we have totally maxed out on every activity, school thing, and program we are involved in, and we are ready to CHILL.

*anticipation of what's around every corner.

*working on a community garden at school for kids, with a dear friend, and our amazing husbands helping us every step of the way.

*an upcoming wedding of an old friend, and lots of hang time with a whole mess of friends that will be there....dreamy!

*picnics.

*a dinner date with my soul sister mama....which is much needed.

*letting go of the need to please. it doesn't get me anywhere productive. so i am embracing the fact that it is just going to be - whatever it will be - and that is the end of it.

*the smell of tomato plant on my fingers after working in my garden.

*my garden....you knew that would be on here.

*a most favorite relative kicking CANCERS ASS. cuz she rocks, and i knew she could do it. and i am so proud of her every day for finding the positive in every situation. you rock lady. and we love you so much.

*walks. LONG walks with the beans. counting "chit-muks" and looking for exciting things.

*content-ness. yup....i said it. being content, and happy. i am ready to be in the NOW. are you?

mama's day goodness....

2010-05-10T08:43:00.007-04:00

there are no words to describe how much i love this little clan of mine. they fill me up and make me whole.

sending mad lovins your way.

xo, *a

*p.s. you should look past how filthy the tv is..we spend a lot more time doling out the lovins than cleaning in these here parts.....

embracing change

2010-05-03T08:25:00.004-04:00

i am making the changes friends, and it feels good. things are still tough, and it is still going to be a process, but after a lot of self searching the last couple weeks, i am ready to do this.

i woke up this morning feeling fresh. i am exhausted, but it feels good. last night was hard. like really hard. but it made room for me to do some of the growing i need to do. i woke up in a new place. i thought first of the good things, and my mood made a really amazing shift. my children made a shift too. as their little beings pick up so quickly on what is going on around them....

so in the spirit of change....

my goods for today.

:: teagan jade waking me up with a smile and the annual a.m. question, "can i wear a summer dress today..." (which is the same question every day....but today...i didn't roll my eyes...today i remembered i love that question and the big brown eyes behind it waiting for an answer)

::spring rain, with the new bedroom windows open. so i can hear it and smell it and see it...

::benji coming in my room to say, "thank you for Max back." (his monkey that i took away last night because he wouldn't go to sleep, that i gently placed back in his bed while he was sleeping...)

::making a love list with myles to fend off the grouchies at 8 am....and realizing that maybe i needed one too.

::that my friends and my family are amazing, and love us so much.

::that my family is respecting my choice not to talk about everything right now, and just knowing and trusting that i will come around.

::my hubs. no words. he is amazing. just amazing.

::the way benji says "fip-fops" (flip-flops) and "sheeeeese its..." (cheese it's)

::taking ownership.

::water. lots of water....

::how sore my muscles feel from running, because it reminds me that change is work.

::coffee.

::warm sun on your face

::my tattoo artist loving my new idea....

::books that take you away and make you not want to put them down, ever. with characters and words that wisk you away, if even for an afternoon.

::thinking about the good things - and finding me in there somewhere....

sometimes we all need a list...

and to take stock....

of what's always there....

that we some times get so caught up in, and miss, as it rolls on by....

what's on your list...what's making you tick...

*hug*

xo, *a

blessed

2010-04-30T11:37:00.003-04:00

today i am taking stock.

i am looking around me, at all the goodness. i have done some really wonderful reconnecting in the last day, with myself, my husband, whom i might add, is truly the most amazing man, and some of the people in my life that i am so very blessed by.

i know that my statements yesterday sent some uneasy waves around my circle, but it wasn't meant to be that way. i am good. i am okay. i have had a tough couple weeks, but it is all part of the process of finding my way, and redefining myself a bit. i am good. i really am, and i am okay.

the first step in this process is to make changes, and to refocus, and to remember that being a mama and a wife and a daughter and friend and a lover and an artist and such, is that these are only some of the things that define me. they are huge things, but not the only things. i got into a rut, and i am digging my way out. i am remembering that me is a good thing to be, and that even though it is comfortable to hide behind my children, it is also empowering to stand up and walk proud as an individual as well....all while loving up my little commune of peeps around me.

i write to write, and clear my head. it's a freaking busy place lately...but it's a good place, and just please know, that i am fine. i am on a good path, and i am so excited to see where it leads.

thank you to all who called and wrote, and sent emails, and who are part of my support circle, to have your support means so much. you all rock my world daily, and are part of what make it such an amazing place to be. i. am. blessed.

*namaste*

xo, *a

life for reals....

2010-04-29T10:49:00.004-04:00

after a few "gentle" reminders, it has come to my attention, that i have not been on this site for like ever. i know. it's lame. but i have been in a strange place these days....

not even one so much that i can elaborate on, but strange none-the-less.

i have some amazing people in my life, and i am so so blessed....they have totally stepped up and rocked my world, and are helping guide me through this weird space, so that i come out just exactly where i need to be.

i am making some changes, for starters, i am tuning in and logging off. facebook has taken over my life... as much as i hate to admit that and type those words....i have been spending far to much time socially "networking" and far too little time focusing on the real world that is moving and shaking all around me...

and i am running. like hell. in the right direction. i am channeling my energy in the RIGHT direction....which is SO important.

my girl nina came for a visit on earth day, and i have no idea for those amazing hours where my phone was. AND, i didn't care. it was a big deal....it is time to unplug...and revel in all the wonderful going on around me that is day to day, that i sometimes take for granted. the time is now peeps.

i also had an AMAZING chat with a very dear soul whom i simply adore, out ashville way, who opened my eyes, woke me up, and rocked my world...and most of all, reminded me that i am okay, and that i am going to BE okay. that i need to focus on me....so my friends, that is what i am going to do....

if i am a bit distant or in another headspace, i will come around....trust that what is meant to be -will be.

i will be HERE....NOW....

spring-ish-ness

2010-03-22T16:56:00.003-04:00

life is funkish right now.

it's funky like people i love are going through tough times...people i so love and cherish are in limbo...limbo is a very very weird place to be.

it's funky like benji is totally trained but peed on the kitchen floor yesterday - not like had an accident, but funky like he dropped trough and peed on the JUST WASHED floor. - and then on the deck three more times - and.i.did.nothing.about.it...

*(i was coming up from taking some flower pics.... - he swore he didn't do anything as i snapped this pic...)

it's chaos like one minute i am so low down i can't see past my big toe, and the next benji and i are laughing so hard we are crying.....

it's chaos like i have to hide in the bathroom and LOCK the door if i need to have a phone conversation....yes, with water running to drone out the fussing...

it's funkish like i finally got the tattoo on my foot i have been dreaming about forever, and i so hearted the whole experience, and am still STARING at my foot because i still can't get passed that i actually DID it. *and i wanna do it again....who AM i?? and how good did it feel to step out of my life for a few hours and hang out at tattoo studio....with adrenaline flowing and nobody talking about sports and clubs and report cards and and and...

there is SO MUCH good and so much CRAP flowing around these parts that i can't grasp just what it is supposed to mean....

it's insanity people. i am telling you.

life is just a little funkish right now people, and i do not know what to do about it.

i gotta tell you folks, it's tough to keep a blog when sometimes i can't get out of my own way....

*and the winner is.......

2010-03-11T15:35:00.001-05:00

TANGERINE KITTY!!!

congrats dear one, we will be touch!

thanks to all who entered....

this was fun and i hope to do it again soon!

*alison

give-away*

2010-03-04T10:02:00.003-05:00

hi folks...

i am in a FUNK. it is time for spring, and even though i wake up on the snow dusted mornings and marvel at how pretty the trees look, and how peaceful the world appears with a fresh coat of snow on the ground - i am gonna be straight, the second i set foot outside in the cold - i am DONE.

i want to go outside. i want to play outside. i want to listen to the kids running around with fresh air infused cheeks, and hear the birds chirp. i want to watch the garden grow and open my windows.

this winter has been emotionally draining for many many reasons, and while we are still plugging away here, and not loosing sight of the big picture, and still lovin' up on each other every day....we are just ready for some *FRESH* air....

so, a dear friend asked me to participate in a give-away, and i was just tickled, as we will be giving away a a beautiful springy picture to refresh your soul, and a COZY short warm scarf to keep you warm while we are WAITING for spring to come....

so - want in? here's what you need to do...leave a comment, telling us what get's you through the winter, and what you are most looking forward to about spring...

a winner will be randomly picked in one week! good luck dearies....

xo, a

what's fillin' my bucket....

2010-02-11T09:41:00.005-05:00

my bucket is full.

benji is three.

it's official.

he had a green birthday party.

he asked everyone to wear green.

he was a total rockstar.

i swear i love him more every day.

the other beans rocked too.

they wore green.

they played with friends...

it was a weekend full of wonderful.

of gram tap dancing in my kitchen with the girl.

which straight up filled my bucket all by itself.

of friends gathering with food and drink.

of giggles and happy shrieks all over the home....

of green snow flakes so fun i don't even want to take them down, and in fact, they will probably be up for the next several weeks...so what...

of play dough, and lots of it...

and benji. it was a week full of benji being three....

i cannot even wrap my head around it....

but in a good way.

namsate.

xo, *a

dear mama nature....

2010-01-23T13:33:00.004-05:00

dear mama nature...

oh how we adore you,

but i feel like you are toying with us. it is soo soo cold here, but no snow. none at all.

so we are cooped up in the house with sniffling little noses and chapped red cheeks...

and cold feets and hands,

*mother in laws b-day cake for tonight, and double layer double chocolate brownie cake with milk chocolate frosting....

lots of snuggles and cuddles and boogery smooching going on, don't get me wrong...

and for some reason these beans are always toasty warm.

and we are crafting, and baking, and cooking, and, and , and,

but when we look out the window we see bright inviting sun and blue skies...so we bundle up and head out side - and it is like insta-cold headache - what gives??

so i guess we will continue the homespun goodness...but we are a little stir crazy here - just sayin'.

*t's valentine lovebugs all set up to dry

* a sneak peek at my new coffee table project...

*little bean cozying up to the fire with his truck of the day

*handsome big man writing to the tooth goddess....

so, all in all, we are really good, but we were just thinking, if you could either send some snow our way, or else send us a quick nod that we can go unpack the flip flops, we would be pretty grateful.

much love,

as if.

2010-01-09T19:19:00.005-05:00

sometimes the little things are important.

like REALLY important.

to help you avoid the big things, that kinda SUCK.

xo, *a

197*

2010-01-02T10:55:00.004-05:00

*happy january peeps.

i am marveling in the quiet of this heavy snow, while the children buzz around behind me and make their plans to sled and play and roll all around in the dreaminess of it all.

vacation week has been full and quiet at the same time, with resting and playing and knitting and cooking and brunches and visits from friends near and far, broccoli and cheddar soups, and pink cupcakes and family gatherings, and boxes full of tissues and chapped little cheeks and boogery kisses...

we are ready for a fresh start and have made our "revolutions..."

and there is wonderous and wonderful and happy.

i just can't even begin to explain the joy....

*little benji helped me shovel the driveway when hubs was at work, and i watched him with his little shovel, padding up and down the drive, making little observations about this and that,it seemed like the whole world was still all around us, and i knew right then and there that this would be one of my forever memories of him, and that i needed to slow down and savor all of the everyday...not to get caught up in the task at hand, but rather in all the memories, joy, revelation and love that can come out of them...to LIVE....so i am resolving..

i am savoring the quiet moments in every nook and cranny of my day...

like,

the steam off of the edge of my favorite mug....

the snow falling outside the windows and making neat little piles on the sills of our lives...

the little man playing trucks under the christmas tree...

the twinkle of christmas lights at night as i turn lock up and head to bed....

m building legos by the fire....

t making her bed in the morning so everything is just so...

the intricacies of these beans loving each other when nobody is watching...

2010 is going to be about opening up and remembering to see the good in every situation...to not fret about all the daily troubles and to let go the aggravating and frustrating little things...to be welcoming and to create, to post, to breathe deep and have patience....to laugh, to love, to be....

we are going to BE.

what are you going to do....

namaste friends,

and happy new beginning to you....

xo,

with love.

2009-12-19T16:58:00.002-05:00

sending big love to you all this holiday season...

all while trying to exhale here and remember that there is no need to get caught up in madness and chaos and holiday frenzy-ishness....

it is about spending time with the ones you love, and having that big ole bucket filled right up with love...

it is about gingerbread houses and frosting messes

it is about sticky fingers squeezing your face

it is about late night chats by the fire with wine and cozy feet

it is about early morning snuggles

it is about vacation musings

it is about crafting

it is about sharing

it is about giving

it is about making memories

it is about loving all that is right there in front of you

it is about knowing what matters most

it is about lessons in letting go

it is about so many many things...

i know for all of us it is about something different...but for me it is JOY, and discovery, and excitement, and the love that dances in these beans eyes, and how that makes me remember all the goodness

namaste.
happiest of holidays to you friends...

with love,

me and hubs and the beans...

the unveiling...

2009-12-05T10:21:00.005-05:00

okay peeps,
i know i have been sucking on the blog front lately - but we have been working VERY hard to get these children back into their own spaces and regain some sanity. we have about one more week or so till we get to move out of the playroom...meh, but i can deal, as long as these beans are back in their rooms....

but first a quick shout out about thanksgiving...i don't know if it was just me, but this year was my most favorite ever...it seemed like there was so much love, and completeness, and amazing food, and good wine, and, and, and....it was 3 days of kick ass good stuff...i have so many pics to share, but for now...

it was amazing. i felt rested and whole....

it's what i wait for all year long...and it was as perfect as i dreamed it would be....
it was everything i needed.

so, although i have so much more to add, i have relatives threatening to disown me if i don't blog soon...SO....

benji'r room:

still needs to be painted, as this was t's old color, but the little man stuck some car wall stickers up and was so freaking happy to have his own space. there is a car run out of sight, and he just lays on it and drives the cars around all afternoon....

M's big kid room. he hasn't come out for 2 days...no really, i actually have to drag him out to go to school and eat etc, as he is so busy "ORGANIZING" his stuff...there are a few more details in here that hubs is working on as i type, like trimming out one of the windows etc...

t's room....it's called gyspy pink - and it rocks her world, so i am totally on board...
she goes up to her room to play with her dolls and every time yells down the stairs "MOM, i am going UPSTAIRS to MY room to play with my dolls - don't worry, i won't make a mess..."

and this makes for a MUCH happier mum and dad....

will be back soon with a much more coherent post :)

hope you all are well and full swing into the holiday season...i am going to work on the holiday cards and watch for the 5-7 inches of snow headed our way...
*namaste*
xo, a

thankfulls...

2009-11-15T09:25:00.002-05:00

thanksgiving is around the corner peeps, and i am straight up determined to get everyone healthy in time to enjoy the holiday...so rather than dwell on all the chaos, i am going to start my thankfulls early because damn it - i am freakin' thankful.

so a few for you

*first and foremost that these beans are kicking influenza ass and taking names.

*benji making his own play dough rules...never leave a two year old to his own devices while cleaning another room of the house - even for 5 minutes....remember quiet is not good. ever.

*that hubs let me loose in the paint store and has not looked back since...and that the man at the paint store thinks my color choices rock his world - as they are not the shades of white he makes over and over and over. (and by the way, AURA paint kicks ass - it is better for the environment, @ 50 vocs, dries in an hour, and doesn't need primer...i know...the things that excite me these days...)

*that this house is almost ready for us to move everyone back to their respective places - there has been no "go to your room and relax" for 3 months. it is driving me out of my mind. we still have the time out step - but sometimes these beans need a few minutes to chill it down...

*cuddling on the couch with my sickie little bean...i hate it when he is sick, but i do love that he will climb in my lap and fall asleep with me rubbing his hot little back like when he was itty bitty...

*how t's face lights up when she looks at the stunning pink we chose for her room...yup i said pink...you won't believe it. hubs nearly fell over when he opened the can...

* hubs trying to reason with the children as though they were small adults - it always make me smile.

*my dad who will drop what they are doing to make an emergency trip to the er with a feverish and messy little man, even when the er looks like a freaking pandemic breakout of nightmarish chaos...

*that i have not given in to my germ thing and started drinking purell YET.

*thanksgiving, thanksgiving, thanksgiving....i cannot wait to make that familiar drive into the vermonster hills...and to be surrounded by all the best folks, and feelings and comforts...

*hot coffee and bagels (gluten-free none the less) that will start my sunday...

*facebook. i know lame, but i so love to reconnect with peeps from my past, and somehow it settles me...explain?

*a mama date to a secret place coming up with exciting event to come...you know who you are girlie, and i cannot wait....

*more to come loves, hope you are all rocking your thankfulls these days...it does so help the icks move along....

round up...

2009-11-08T08:11:00.002-05:00

chaos people. just some pics as i am spending the weekend sniffling, sneezing and painting....but just a few VERY important pics to post.....

halloweenies...

2009-10-26T21:13:00.003-04:00

*i heart fall so much that my heart is swelling.
the beans are obsessed with halloween...

we draw skeletons daily, and peruse the web for cool halloween activities, like brain shaped jello, which is so not gonna happen, we have a countdown on the kitchen chalkboard that has taken the place of the grocery list, so who knows what will happen when the food runs out...

it's just lotsa goodness...and so much more to come...

peace out.
*a

life...

2009-10-22T07:29:00.001-04:00

we are good. we are busy. we are blessed. we are insulated. we are grouchy. we are enamored. we are in love. we are soaking it all up. we are fallish delights. we are cozy fireplace filled nights. we are anticipating. we are content...

we just are right now. lots of just being. and not much more.

*namaste*

xo, a

we heart fall...just sayin'.

2009-10-12T10:14:00.005-04:00

we are all lovin' up on fall. i was getting a bit frazzled here, as we are STILL sleeping in the playroom, and the house is still in the works, which i will post some pics of soon-ish...and life has been a bit chaotic...

but i woke up today and remembered....it's fall. and i wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.

so we are sweater wearing, coffee sipping, apple pickin', pie baking fools.....

lovin' it up here every stinking second...even the ones that don't so much rock.

fall is me....i am fall.....

namaste.
xo, a

(p.s. - that freaking awesome ring, was made by judy you should most definitely pop over and check her out....)

(p.p.s - there are 37 day till thanksgiving madness begins...time to talk menu people....let's do it!!!! what's your tried and true thanksgiving staple....?)

the good - the bad - the daily

2009-09-20T10:22:00.004-04:00

we have been chock full o' sickies in this house and it is absolutely NOT been fun.

there has been fevers and whining, and glazed over pleading little eyes, and chest x-rays and flu swabs and and and....

but these kiddos are trooping through...mom is pretty worn out...but we are doing our best. and i guess that is just about all we can do right?

i have been determined to soak up all this glorious fallish-ness, sick or not, and we have been trolling the orchards all pumped full of tylenol, motrin, and antibiotics. we have been devouring fresh crisp cool macintosh apples picked off the trees, and staring at mums of brilliant hues...*sigh* fall.

so fevers and all, these beans are doing okay.

i am back at work, and enjoying my days there as well - i am super blessed, as i work two and a half days at my school, and am home the rest of the week. when people ask me if i like my schedule, i always smile and nod and say something nice-ish like,

"yes, it is so nice to have a weekend in the middle of my week."

but lets be frank people. i don't even really have a weekend on my actual weekend - so lets not pretend that wednesday or thursday resemble anything even similar to a weekend. they don't.

let me give you a peek. and tell you to have a superb rest of your weekend.

wednesday afternoon, i decided that i would venture to the nearby outdoor mall, as i wanted to window shop and check out a pair of jeans, as i had a freebie coupon. so the two smaller beans and i headed out on a mini field trip, and when we arrived, i should have known to turn the car around and just go home, as princess T was in the backseat calling me a "spy-cho" which is t speak for psycho, as i was going into the big people GAP, and not the kids one. but no...i was determined to carry out our trip to the wishing fountain and the slammin' sale section of anthropologie(me loves).

so we do the rounds and lastly hit up gap....T is already peeved, acting like i microwaved her my little ponies or something, when in reality, i thought i might buy myself a SWEATER. dear god how could i. she is walking by the nicely piled and perfectly folded shirts and unfolding them, then stacking them all messy-like back on the tables while glaring in my direction. as if to say "i'll show you."

So i quickly pack everyone up and head to the car...

oh no wait...that is what i SHOULD have done.

So i grab a few pair of pants, taking her nonsense with a GIANT grain of salt, throw a few sweaters on top of the stroller, and head to the fitting rooms. all the while T is SHOUTING. "I-WANT-TO-GO-TO-THE-KID-GAP-YOU-ARE-A-BAD-BAD-MOMMY." and stomping her little feet all with hands on her hips and everything- yup -the whole nine. and little benji....sweet as can be is sitting in the stroller looking at his truck book smiling and rocking his head side to side repeating "you bad-bad mommy..." over and over. LOVE it.

Once we are locked securely in the fitting room, i am ignoring her nonsense and trying on the few things i was able to grab, and she is punching the walls...all dramatic, with a wind up and then she slows down before her hand hits the wall, as she is really only trying to make a statement and not hurt herself of course.

*now would be a good time to mention that the store was BUSY. like black friday busy.

at this point i have had enough, and am just about ready to lose my mind....so i firmly grasp her arm, and tell her she has a one. which she knows is her gentle reminded to get her freaking act together.

so this child...no joke....GRABS her arm and starts yelling "OWWWWWW now i need a GIANT BAND-AID BECAUSE YOU PUNCHED ME SOOOOOO HARD OWWWWWWW."

i shit you not.

so i calmly continue to redress - and multitasking - (rolling my eyes into the back of my brain and thinking what a FULL time job might pay) i explain to her ,

"TEAGAN, you cannot say things like that, the police will come and take mommy away from you because they will think that mommy hurts you..."

hand on the hips and glaring, she states, "WELL THAN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T PUNCH ME SO HARD."

honestly.

so we are holed up in the fitting room four days later and typing this, as i was simply too mortified to leave. can you bring me some coffee?

weekend my ass.

namaste,

xo,

getting back to it....

2009-09-13T08:40:00.003-04:00

i know i know. i am working on it. i am sitting here sipping /devouring my morning coffee, and enjoying this sweet sunday morning, listening to t explain to benji that all the dolls need to be dressed up so that nobody sees the gynas....

and i realized that i am being selfish...

i am savoring all their deliciousness, and sometimes not so deliciousness, and i have been so stinking busy that i haven't posted any of it....

so for that i apologize, and i will try to get back at it.

tj started her second year of preschool, and i must say that she is largely unimpressed. i mean don't get me wrong, she does love school, but she is totally over the excitement. she doesn't understand why M gets a new teacher every year and she "stays the same," which is "kinda good, its just i really wanna have a kindergarten teacher."

she is delving into the realm of ballet - which should be interesting, and i figure it's not a total waste, because she can always use the leotards for gymnastics if she decides she really doesn't like it...but all her little girlie friends are doing it...who knew there was peer pressure at 4.

M is doing well in first grade. He still doesn't eat his lunch(his notes say "EAT" now, instead of "have a great day- i love you-and blah, blah, blah,") and sometimes misses the bus, but overall, i think that we are getting in the swing of things. By college we should have it down pat. Last week when i went in to wake him for school, the conversation went like this...

me - "c'mon pal, you gotta get up - school today"

him "hmmmpht."

me-" really buddy, it's time."

him - "mom, yah know what?"

me - (sighing as i am sure this conversation is going south,) "yes myles?"

him - "waking up for school in the morning SUCKS."

me (picking my head up off the floor and trying to stuff the brain matter back in through my ears) "Okay buddy, we do not use that word, and mommy has work, and you neeeeeeed to get up. NOW."

him - "but daddy uses that word"

me - "but you are not a daddy."

him - "when i am a daddy can i use that word?"

me -(not believeing that it is 6:30 IN THE MORNING and i have already begun talking about this with my 6 year old son, who i am sure now is keeping a list in his journal of good reasons to have a baby when he turns sixteen, hopefully his girlfriend won't be on board.) "LAST TIME - GET UP."

so, mornings ROCK here, and that is one of the reasons why i am on the fritz. life has been crazy....and everytime i sit down to take a breathe, things get even more chaotic....but i promise to try, and thanks to all of you who have been checking in and reminding me to get off my bum and post....

so with that, a few last things...

benji is swell. isn't he always though? the kid just rocks my whole entire world.

and bry is still cranking on the house, i will post new pics of that soon, problem with that is he is mostly roofing, and really a roof just doesn't look that exciting, but if you were swarmed with bugs and shit all summer, you would be damn psyched too. :)

we had a super fabulous visit with uncle ben, (above) and bry and he got to talk shop - which was neat, as ben is probably one of bry's biggest mentors, and it is always nice for the beans to get to catch up with some of the folks that they don't get to see often....

anyhow....hope you are all enjoying this fallishness,

peace out,

p.s. (drum roll, ***72 days till thanksgiving...uhm, yayyy!!!)

buses and dormers and chaos oh my....

2009-08-29T08:23:00.009-04:00

well folks,

it's here - school is back in sessions - for me, for myles and next week, for t girl too....

i feel like the summer went by in the blink of an eye - yet at the same time, i am so filled full with excitement for the big guy to experience school - all day school and learning and interacting, and wow - i just cannot believe that i have a big old first grader tearing it up at my place.

and so far school has more or less gone off without a hitch. we had a last minute change of babysitting arrangements - as our normal sitter bailed - BY TEXT - which is a whole other issue - but at any rate - we have worked out a wonderful situation and a girl who lives about 15 seconds down the road - that i grew up with - who watches the beans on my work days - and because she lives ON our street - no worries and no bus changes etc.

the beans love Shane, and her kiddos, and i am excited that all is running smoothly....mostly.

the events of the first three days - have been so exciting

*new teacher

*new classmates

*new lunch box

*lost new lunch box

*all day school

*bus rides to and from school

*missed bus home - and little man just was so in awe of his vice principal being able to walkie talkie the bus and "THEY CAME BACK JUST FOR ME!!" amazing - not even phased....

but he does seem to love love school - and for that i am so grateful....

i have asumed my place as president of the preschool and i have never dealt with such nonsense - seriously - you would think that we were running the country - not a small cooperative preschool. people - never agree to do this, never - not ever.

and the house as so many of you have requested pics of - continues to be a work in progress. the hubs is busting his butt, and working everyday when he gets home from work, and we are aiming to be wrapped up and happily in our new space by thanksgiving...(i know - i will start the countdown come sept.)

anyway peeps - my head is spinning....so i must go -

but i promise to return soon....

peace out -

xo, a

boo

2009-08-19T12:25:00.002-04:00

we are going back to school shopping today. blech. i would give anything to see this everyday instead. so much to share, but i will be back another time to post when i am not busy trying to squeeze the life out of every second these last summer days have to offer....

*peace,

a

a little light and love on his rainy day

2009-08-13T08:54:00.002-04:00

this rocks my world this morning, and makes me all sorts of smiley and giddy....

xo, a

actually

2009-08-10T10:03:00.003-04:00

so summer is slip sliding away - we drove down to the beach yesterday - no traffic - not even a little. (not that i was hoping for traffic) but summer is disappearing as we speak - and i am sad sad sad.

it has been a nice chilled summer - packed with a bit of crazy - but we like it like that.

the house is coming along - i got to go into the addition last night for the first time, and let me tell you - my man rocks. i am overwhelmed and excited all at the same time - and just trying to keep in perspective that sleeping amongst army guys and legos and trains and dolls is just temporary...

and the beans are great. there has been camps, and swimming, and temper tantrums, and sticky -summerness, and squito bites, and ice cream treats, and beach toys and weeding unproductive gardens...and amazing weddings, and grilled delicious meals, and friends and family time...

so we are marveling and soaking it all up - i am planing some exciting changes and adventures around here, and i can't wait for things to take shape and transformations to begin....

* i have also been working on letting things go - taking deep breaths and letting go the anger/grudges that we all build up - and it feels pretty good - but yesterday - somebody used a pretty harsh word to describe my little man - and it cuts deep -

now if you know my guy, you would get it if i said he was inquisitive, generous, caring, gentle, smart, serious, quirky, like a little man child, cautious, loving, kind, and spongelike....

and he is - all of those things...and so so many more.

but the way he was described to me - was "such a nerd."

the parent in me wanted to lose my mind, and while the source - well, it just wasn't worth it - but seriously, i cannot imagine using a word with such a negative connotation to it - directed at such a cool little guy, who looks up to everyone around him...and is so full of so much good stuff...so here i am - deep breathing, and letting it go - and thinking, that a little itty bitty word, can be so ugly....if anything it made me just more aware of how totally cool he is.

oh well, thats just my rant...hope you all are enjoying the last of summer...

i am off to drop the little man at camp -

peace out....

xo, a

what in heck?

2009-07-29T16:32:00.004-04:00

t's new thing. what in heck. she doesn't get that her new room is up in this space but just keeps asking bry why he "put a house up top our house?"

the kiddos are great....it's been a rocky summer, as we have been really trying to stay out of the big guys way while he busts out this monster project.

and people have been so so generous with their time, coming over when they get off work, or have days off, or any bit of free time, to help hubs hoist something, or nail a few shingles, or offer moral support...

it does seem that since we ripped the roof off, it has rained five out of seven days, and in fact i believe i heard that this is the wettest summer since 1977 or something ridiculous like that. that being said, hubs has done a great job of keeping his head up and moving forward here in tarpsville.

*the beast

a quick break

and back at work.

honestly, i feel so blessed to have people in our lives to help us....people that are busy, and who still make time, even a customer of my folks has been helping because he has summers off and is bored....AMAZING i tell yah!

the kids and i have been packing up and heading to the beach for endless hours and days on end of playing in the sun, and soaking in the salt water...auntie max has let us set up camp, and minus benji's sleep stand-off, all went amazingly well....so i thank her so so much for putting up with everything from 6 am wake-ups, to me roasting marshmallows on forks with lighters out of sheer boredom....you rock - and we wil be back in a few ;)

we are back home for a bit, as M has camp next week, and i thought it may be time to come home and mess up our own space for awhile.

anyhow, there are two beans rolling around on top of each other, and one referee-ing, which is not going to end well....so - be back soon with further updates...

hope your all basking in the pouring rain and soaking in the lighting, or something new england-ish like that.

peace out,

good-ness*

2009-07-25T10:15:00.002-04:00

*so much love and pics to share,

but we are away for the weekend at a dear friends wedding....followed by a bed and breakfast for hubs and i....

hope you are all rockin' summer.

love and sunshine,

fresh*

2009-07-09T19:32:00.005-04:00

*spoiler alert. if you knew me when i was 4, this may bug you out.....

check it....

READY ????

Wait for it.......

there it is.

amazing....

and i have the pics to prove it.

girl is the spitting image of her mama.

*sigh....

hope your all tremendous, and stay posted for more house goodness tomorrow.

xo, a

glorious

2009-07-08T14:01:00.002-04:00

here is the start of the big PROJECT...

things are underway, and at some point in the near future....there will be more upstairs in this pic....

should be interesting.

benji keeps telling people that daddy is breaking mommy's house...benji rocks my world.

if you are around and are wanting to join in the nail bangin' hammer swingin' fun....just let us know....

peace out...

xo, a

happy 4th!

2009-07-03T13:26:00.003-04:00

hope your holidays are wonder-filled!

peace out peeps...

xo, a

and p.s. thanks for all your notes boosting me up...sometimes a mama has a funky day here and there....but with beans like this, well, you get it...

summerness.

2009-06-29T08:32:00.004-04:00

hey y'all.

summer is finally here. amidst all the rain and temperamental weather, we are finding a niche for ourselves.

i have been dealing with a bit of turmoil internally though, as it suddenly went from so easy, to slightly less than easy....i find myself questioning all the activities we do - am i socializing the children enough, should we be part of playgroups that i typically steer clear of- did i not sign them up for enough "stuff"-what's a mama to do....

things are wonderful, and the beans are amazing, but now that they are a part of this big old world, and not just scooting around in our cozy home, i wonder often what i should be doing differently...

it sometimes seems so hard to walk that fine line between keeping your children happy and entertained and spoiling them rotten...and teaching them that they cannot be happy unless they are in some sort of organized activity place...

i still believe in my head space that there is something to be said for using your imagination and just running around in the back yard....but when is that just not enough? and hanging out with MY mama friends and their beans seems like it isn't the only answer anymore...not that i don't love you guys and miss you to pieces....

i don't know too many moms in our area that well....i have a few i adore, but the rest are just a pass and a smile, and sometimes i just feel like such an outsider...we cannot afford to keep up with the Jones's, and frankly, i am jut not that interested in doing so...i like our little home (which is getting slightly larger...) and our way less than well to do lifestyle....and i just wonder - where are all the other peeps around here like that...who count there change to get a coffee...who have no qualms about letting the children make a giant mess and cleaning it up for real two WHOLE days later-who don't "playdate" everyday or even every week - who let their kids rock rainboots everyday - even when it is not raining...who let their kids picnic in the living room, and have stains on their furniture-ugh.

but all that said, i am happy...my children are happy....i love my hubs more than life itself, and he is the best daddy ever...

so isn't that enough? shouldn't that be enough? i have never walked the straight and narrow - i have never been one to "fit-in..." but i guess it is weighing on me now that my choices about social situational chaos will affect my beans if i don't venture out into the jones's world and test out the waters a bit....but don't get me wrong, i am only gonna dip my feet in...then hurry right back here to the big happy place where we can run around with dirt under our fingernails from a happy sunshine filled no frills afternoon....cuz that is just who i am....so i guess i'll keep yah posted....

thanks for hearing me out peeps...wish you all were all closer....and if you are - speak up ;)

restless*

2009-06-22T12:02:00.002-04:00

do you ever feel like you just cannot get it together?

like you are simply at the end of your rope? and not for any particular reason...

we are kinda all doing that here....

i know i have been quiet here - BIT I CANNOT GET IT TOGETHER.

it is the end of the school year slump, and i made it through with just a mild case of the sickies- but m has 2 more days...

everyone is melting down, talking back, sassing and we are rocking the time out step like it is our JOB.

even my garden is a giant mess of a disaster. i am trying the be content, and be where i am at - and own it, but man oh man, i need MORE than 2 minutes of sun beating on my face in 2 WEEKS.

grrr.

so today, i will drink coffee and craft with the kiddie beans, we will do laundry and play - and wait for the sun to poke its head out at us again....and i will search the internet for a new bottom step - as we are wearing ours right the hell out....

*our ? of the day here - (we have started this amidst the rainy days, to occupy the kiddos...)

"if you could be a dessert - what would you be and why?"

t -"ice cream with rainbow sprinkles - cuz it's yummy, and so am i..."

m- "ice cream - people like ice cream "

benji - "banana wid prinkles...dat funny hahahahaha."

*sunday

2009-06-07T16:30:00.003-04:00

conversation in the driveway...

t - "MOOOOOMMMMMM"

me - yes love

t - when is halloween???

me - not for awhile.

m - i am gonna be a star wars guy.

t - can i be a cinderella princess guy??

me- sure. guys, its JUNE. we have a lot of time to decide...

benji gets of his bike and runs over - with his pointer finger in the air -

b -" ME BE DADDY GUY for HAL-WEEN!!!!!" now if that ain't a testament - i do not know what is...

xo, a

the comforts of home

2009-05-24T10:24:00.004-04:00

*preface....this is a long one.

i will apologize first for lack of updates, but there has been crazy germness in these parts...i spent the ENTIRE week a giant mess, rockin' laryngitis, an ear infection and pink-eye....yeah, awesome. i learned some important lessons this week.

1. do not, no matter what you read, put lemon juice in your ear to get rid of the infection. it doesn't work. at all. i will spare you the details, just trust me.

2. snakes in the playscape suck. like snakes on a plane. no fun for anyone, and makes for a fun day of riding bikes in the driveway...

3. wish washy people are irritating - say what you mean.

4. i have some very awesome friends.

5. that my husband just MIGHT be up there with me in the quirky department.

6. that when the starbucks guy tells me it's nice to hear my voice again after several days of driving to the window and waving with my order written down, that maybe in fact i DO spend to much money there.

7. that my children are amazing and wonderful, and smart, and that it took them about 2 hours to figure out that if i couldn't talk - that they had a huge advantage.

8. that i value my healthy time, and as soon as i kick this for good, it is back to the gym for me for good....no more bailing out because of swine flu....i know....

9. my children repeat everything.

10. ahh, and lastly, the port-a-potty, i learned about the port-a-potty.

so make yourself comfortable.

yesterday, in a desperate attempt to get to starbucks, which is 15 minutes away, i begged hubs to take a car ride with me and the beans, as i was going on 6 hours of sleep in 2 days. he agreed, and off we went. but he was acting strange - and i was a tad too dazed and confused to put my finger on what was normal bry for:

"i desperately need to go to the bathroom as i have been waiting all morning, because i don't want to stink up the NG bathroom"

(this may be tmi, but bry is CONVINCED without a sliver of doubt, that his biz smells worse than any other person in the universe. and i am not going to cast a vote....)

so off we headed, and while on the way i pulled a pre-meditated switch-a-roo, that i needed to run into GAP and return a shirt, pick up dinner food, stop at the book store, and a quick tile store browsing....and as we are nearing the 2 hour mark, i notice hubs pacing, and clenching his fists....

ahhhhh, so there it is.

me - "do you have to go to the bathroom??????"

hubs - "yes. i need to go home NOW."

me - "but we still have to go to SB, and to get your car at NG.

hubs- "nope. take me home now woman."

me- "okay...in a 2 second walking vicinity, there is a McDonalds- which smells like shit anyway, a DD, a pizza place, and a bookstore, not to mention the tile store we JUST left. pick a bathroom, any bathroom, we'll wait."

hubs- "nope. home."

*now let me interject and say, we have had this conversation before, which i NEVER win. me explaining that one day - your intestines are going to EXPLODE, and you are going to have to clean my car/buy me a new one....and him nodding his head....the man can hold it longer than ANYONE i know.

so i am peeved at this point, mainly because i know this means skipping starbucks, because he is too stubborn to use a public restroom....

as we head towards home, me grumbling the whole way we pass this baseball field in the middle of a very busy intersection, and sitting in the field, is a GIANT port-a-potty. so i said in a sarcastic tone,

"okay, there it is - want me to stop there?"

hubs "yup! stop"... grining ear to ear.

so i pull over, and i kid you not, my husband hops out of the car, and skips - yes, skips, to this GIANT toilet in the middle of an INTERSECTION. and disappears.

five minutes later he emerges, a new man....asking where we are headed now, as the world is our oyster, and, and. and.

and i tell you- he is SO thrilled to have found "his new bathroom." which he has informed me he is so glad is there, so if he ever needs to go on his way home from work, he can just stop there.

IN A FREAKING PORT-A-POTTY. IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION. because nothing says relaxation like pooping in an intersection with mack truck driving by and people honking their horns etc.

if i had to go, and my ONLY choice was that bathroom, i would be holding it till we got home.

but not hubs.

i stared at him in disbelief for a solid 5 minutes then launched into a rant about swine flu and germs, and what about the little germies climbing all over his shoes and his shorts now, and how grossed out i was...

to which he explained the "system" he has of tucking the bottoms of his shorts into the backs of his sneakers,

the he looked at me with horror all over his face, and said

"god, it's not like i want my shorts to touch the floor of the port-a-potty. i mean it IS a PORT-A-POTTY."

oh, of course. and in a state of shock i drove right by the starbucks, and onto the highway.

*the only thing that made this even better, was my parents calling to tell me that m told them all about "daddy's new potty," over dinner last night. i can't wait till he goes to school on tuesday.

there are NO pics that suit this post.

*fresh

2009-05-14T15:04:00.006-04:00

*there is so much going on here some days, that i simply do not know where to begin, and other days....it seems impossible that it could be so uneventful yet chaotic at the same time. so i have started to pay a bit more attention to the moments of the day that i am documenting....

i am looking at things with fresh eyes....

listening to conversations had amongst children with fresh ears....

and enjoying the moments....

xo, a

wow.

2009-05-13T08:30:00.001-04:00

that's all he will say. "wooooow...."

have a great sunshine filled day.

xo. a

roundup*

2009-05-07T08:29:00.002-04:00

things i heart today - right now, at this very moment.

*plants

*hand me down orange sneakers that add a little sunshine to my day - thanks c*

*benji making little sentences, that rock my world... and how proud he is of him self for doing it - the sentence and rocking my world

*the curls a the end of t's long locks...

*m's double rows of teeth

*kindergarten concerts

*hazelnut capps

*watching the rain bless my garden

*bobby pins

*wandering the aisles of garden barn for hours

*water - lots of water...nourishing me...

*filling up on amazing literature

*sewing gifties for my pals.

*foodgawker - this site is like a hidden treasure.

*my job...i know, but really, i love my job.

*planning new corners in my space

*letting go of stupid grudges and anger, freeing up that mental space for good things.

*t's attitude - which will in ten years be on a whole other list i am sure.

*catching up on thank you notes...

*m writing his own notes, to his peeps...

*mothers day...i so heart mothers day...and i am not a holiday person, but i do so love an extra snuggle and a day that appreciates all my mama friends, my mama, and me....cuz i know we do our best to bust it out on a daily....

*sigh

things are in a good place...

so list up peeps...what's rockin' your world?

xo, a

*sunday

2009-05-03T11:10:00.002-04:00

things are slowing down here...

we are mostly out of partyville, and short of a few small things, april was perfect....

i am refocusing, redirecting, and reorganizing around here...

there is some physical, mental, and actual clutter that we are parting ways with once and for all.

hope you all are magical. *peace, a

marinating*

2009-04-27T09:27:00.005-04:00

so tired and content....

a special thanks to all of you who love these beans so much, we heart you right back.

will post soon....xo, a

sometimes.

2009-04-20T12:24:00.006-04:00

*sometimes all it takes, is a best friend, some sunshine on your face and a warm breeze to pull you out of that place....

xo, a

patience....

2009-04-15T19:59:00.002-04:00

of heart:

i am in a quiet place these days.

reveling in all that is around me...

april is so chock full of mad chaos, that i guess i seem to have lost my voice along the way.

i am anxious. anxious about so many things, yet can't seem to put my finger down on any of them.

i am longing for spring. desperately. wanting to feel the warm sun beating down on my face while the children chatter and play. i am so beyond and over the biting cold and dry skin and chapped lips and winter coughs. it is time for gardens and bbq's and wine on the deck with friends....

of home:

m has 2 loose teeth, and t is like a 21 year old 3 yr. old, and benji is 2. TWO. i can't seem to address the fact that i am out of babyville. i think that i am in a turmoil of sorts...like i can't get past the fact that there is no more little beans, yet at the same time i am loving all the new stages and phases and excitement...but i am also still sad. a bit. that there will be no more lil ones. but it is time to welcome other little beans and watch other families began to grow, and for that, well, i am so grateful and excited....and overjoyed.

of house:

a new space in our little world is in the works, and though very exciting, i am also overwhelmed and out of my element, while hubs speaks of joists, and ,i beams, and cantilevers, and urgh, and so,

we are learning that i cannot deal with not being in control....this will be a new place for me...taking a step back and trusting that it can happen with out me, and i know that hubs will rock it - i just may have to go to more yoga classes while things are in the goings on phase.

so, i guess i am just in a quiet space of sorts, and trying to formulate thoughts.

we have been doing fun thing, like trips to see the earth balloon, that my children thought was terrifying, benji insists that "big baa-lloooon KNOCK me over." it didn't, and t and m are just undecided....

and make your own cupcakes, and trips to see friends far and near....

*t - checking out the earth balloon

*wow

*so, all is well,

*just quiet...

*namaste*

do not let her fool you.

2009-03-30T20:16:00.003-04:00

on sunday afternoon this adorable little girl said, and i quote - "if you do not let me down from this cart (at the grocery store) i will kick you in the FACE."

isn't she just a doll...

thankful

2009-03-24T17:27:00.004-04:00

it is very trying to have three feverish and grouchy beans over here. all are in various stages of dismay - and it is tough. i am a bit stir crazy and so over tv.

i am working on a list of all the things that i am grateful for and that make me happy - even when life isn't easy peasy.

so -

* making light savers out of sticks and paint

* that benji makes me smile every day - even when he is in the process of breaking things.

* cuddling with the beans even when their little bodies smell like feverish skin - yes - it has a smell.

* that my seeds are so so very happy in this house of chaos.

* that hubs loves me unconditionally even through my grouch - (comes with the beans various colds and such). and that even when he is mad as hell, he doesn't say so - he just keeps on keepin' on.

* that spring is coming, SOON. i know - it's here - but i mean REALLY here.

* that i am going to be able to keep my part time jobbie - as i seem to have JUST snuck under the radar somehow. i love my job - i love the peeps i work with - and i would be SO SO sad to have to leave.

* for yoga - it is helping me SO much. *sigh*

* that max loves the beans enough to come watch them every week, and that i can go tomorrow and be the helping mom in m's room.

* that t only vomited once last night - but i still despise chucky cheese

* for all the peeps in my life - for hugs - and long distance lovins.

* about new babies coming into our lives near and far. KEAS - that's you....

* for starbucks. i know - ridiculous. but i am.

* that teagan has renamed me "princess mommy."

* that benji talks - like really talks now.

* that m is not a depressed 5 year old - that he actually just had a fever....cause i was really worried.

* i am thankful to look at my hubs and smile at the familiarity and comfort in his eyes...that he is my best friend too.

* that exercise is finally fun.

* feeling needed and wanted and loved, and being able to return that favor.

* family - always family.

* t's sweet glazed over eyes...and how she puts herself to bed when she is under the weather with out even telling us.

*that benji says thank-you unprompted and when he likes something a lot he shouts - "LOOOOOVE IT."

* birthday party planning to satisfy my little yogini and her darth vadar brother....

* for GF bagels that kick ass - made by pa none-the -less.

* benji shouting "mommy - where are you." to the tune of scooby doo whenever i leave the room.

* m singing the tunes every time my phone rings....to the tune of sugar magnolia - with out even picking his head up from his work.

* garden - garden - garden.

* listening to m read and sound out words.

* that the beans think that benji came from daddy's butt - we may have to talk about this one over dinner before it makes it's way out into the ear of some innocent unsuspecting teacher.

* roasted and sugared pecans that ROCK

* bright feverish eyes explaining that they are fine - just a little sick - but fine.

* baxter sunbathing in the driveway and the ups guy who gives him a bone EVERY time he drives BY the house.

* my world - just my world.

what about you guys - i know times are kinda tough right now - seemingly for everyone- but surely you have a list.....i encourage you to leave some of it here....

*namaste -

xo, a

spring fever

2009-03-23T19:04:00.002-04:00

kiddos are battling various things....

just wanted to update and say - no pink slips from here....

chat soon,

xo, a

live laugh love.

2009-03-19T18:48:00.004-04:00

we are good, i know i have been hushed lately - but i have been doing a lot and thinking a lot....

things have been par for course here....

so i guess a peek into our worlds...and you might see a bit of nothing and everything in between....

the beans are tremendous....all of them.

bry is amazing....and

me, well...i guess upon doing some early morning reflection and thinking....well, i am really good.

i might loose my job...but it will be okay....i am getting a pink slip with "no guarantees either way." what the f*&k does that mean....oh well....remember i AM good.

we might start putting an addition onto the house...which is scary...but exciting...really - we met with an architect named Mr. Sweet....

we have been reuniting with some amazing peeps....which rocks...

it is almost spring...and by almost, i mean like 48 hours. thankfreakinggod.

april is around the corner....which means an entire month of birthday chaos, mixed in with some showers and births, and, and, and....

the seeds that have survived the wrath of benji are thriving....and the others....well, i am not ready to talk about that yet - it is just a damn good thing that he is so stinking cute. NOT so cute while shouting "monster truck" at the TOP OF HIS LITTLE STINKING ADORABLE LUNGS - which sounds a lot like MOTHER F*&K....great.

i have been "nominated" prez of the preschool...i hope that it doesn' t go down like a ton of rocks because of me....yikes.

i get to wake up most mornings to benji singing twinkle DAR....(star) or the theme song to scooby doo - which i secretly heart more than life itself because it was written in like 1969...which i guess now is vintage retro - and i love that...

i caught m humming the dead this week....my job is done...

i am on a mission to gather some more recipes for family dinners....the thought of another taco night this month is making me gag. any thoughts?

i remembered how much i love t's little sleepy face when she first wakes up...as she has been sleeping just A BIT longer than me ;)

i have BIG plans in the works.... they involve A LOT of living, loving AND laughing - OUT LOUD.....oh, and blogging....more blogging....

so, we are all over the place, and, we miss you...what's up?

what's on your agenda....

*home

2009-03-11T17:03:00.003-04:00

*we had a homestyle day today. complete with bed head, too much tv, snackies, projects, fussies and more.

so - i whipped up some home made mac-n-schmak. we gonna do it up REAL homestyle tonight....

i am so OVER winter.

milk, onion salt, and GF flour

shredded goodness

GF penne

*dreamy dinner.

*pride

2009-03-01T18:58:00.003-05:00

i just wanted to give y'all a sneak peak at what's been rockin' my world. little big man -- CAN READ.

sometime in the last few weeks it has simply clicked, and i am over the moon..... every time he sits down next to me and reads a book to me, my eyes well up, and my heart swells with pride....

i love the way he sounds out the words, and "gets" the sentences as they fly by....i am so stinking proud of this kid. one of my most favorite things to do in life is get lost in a good read. i am so thrilled for him that his little world just grew even bigger....and his possibilities even greater. you rock my world little big man. you just do.

* we are hunkering down for another doozy of a storm....honestly, i am so ready for spring, but truth be told, i would so love a snow day monday....

the beans are all ready for spring too. today we took a family trip to garden barn to pick out my garden seeds, and i will tell yah - i got anxious....so ridiculous. but i just cannot wait to get into my garden....i might need therapy.

t is great, though still taunting her brothers and strutting around this place like she owns it. she is such a little mama, reading to benji and getting him snacks, and then the second he crosses her "SMACK." she wails the kid in the forehead. i guess she is kinda like her mama(not the hitting of course)

....and benji has found his words, which is amazing....he is making little sentences, and yelling things when he runs by you, like "YOU ROCK...." it is dreamy....and "FART" and all sorts of interesting words....boys will be boys right...?

the first sentence of sorts went " bacter(baxter) - drink - potty - goooossss(gross) - bad - bacter(baxter) - YEAH." something else that kid.

i am where the wild things are..in all the dreamiest of ways. hope you all are wonderful....xo, a

*namaste

2009-02-25T15:44:00.002-05:00

just waiting for spring here.

i am overwhelmed...not even sure by what.

sometimes those insecurities just get the best of you yah know? not ready to talk yet....but i will soon.

*namaste.

xo, a

201*

2009-02-15T14:05:00.005-05:00

(*our heart shaped vanilla cake filled with strawberries and topped with vanilla buttercream frosting.......)

can i just say that these beans rock my world every moment of every day.

yesterday was dreamy, hallmark holiday and all. the kiddos loved it up, and we hopped right on board...they sent lots of valentines and got calls thanking them for their hard work, and each time their little faces just beamed with pride...it was about the sweetest thing.

we made a pink heart shaped cake for dessert...after 2 bites the little bean threw his fork and just picked up the plate.

this morning i found the two boys sitting on m's bed diggin' on m's new jack johnson cd - which was a gift from dad for v-day...(the man totally digs v-day - because he says that there are no expectations - too sweet) both of them on the bed nodding their heads back and forth...he is just the best big brother. he has his less than stellar moments, but overall, the kid kicks ass.

and t - well...here in everything PINK she could find because it was a love day....

last night after everyone filled their bellies full on pink heart shaped cake...this was the conversation....

t (from the top of the stairs...) M-O-M (no joke, she has taken to SPELLING mom to get my attention - i am enamored and irritated all at the same time.)

me - "yes T"

t - "can you please turn the tv down you are keeping me up."

me - "okay t - it's down."

t -"uhm, M-O-M."

me - "YES T."

t- "is that the diswasher?"

me- "YES t."

t- "do you think you could run it in the morning?"

me - "no, it is running now..."

t - "but MOMMMMMY, how will i sleep? you know everything that you and daddy are doing is keeping me awake."

me-"T GO TO BED"

t -"but i can't sleep. and if you keep me awake the sand guy can't come and put sand in my eyes. so BE QUIET."

perfect.

this child - she is just a ray of sunshine 99% of the time, and the other 1 % - well, i want to gauge my ears out....

as i type the children are tying each other up, and somebody just told somebody else to show them their bum....so i must run....but i hope you all are have a sparkling weekend, i know i am.

*namaste

xo, a

love day*

2009-02-14T09:31:00.004-05:00

happy lovin' day peeps....

we are scrapping plans for a romantic dinner, and plowing through winter no fun stomach things, in hopes of a fun valentines evening at the homefront.

i am baking a vanilla cake with buttercream frosted goodness, and spending the day being to grateful for the love i get....

i know its such a hallmark holiday....but i cannot help but love anything that makes these kiddos smile as big as they do....and their big bag o' valentines lovins from school just put them over the moon...so alas, i have been won over.

hope you all are rockin' it out this hallmarky day...xo, a*

the good the bad and the crappy....

2009-02-12T09:59:00.002-05:00

t - in childs pose

me and t - downward facing dog

lovins.

i feel like we are in the winter slumps here....yesterday was dreamy, so i opened all the windows and *refreshed* the air in our home....only to wake up to t vomiting all over the place at 3 in the morning. this sucked for a number of reasons, other than the obvious t has the stomach bug. but also because she had blueberry juice before bed, because she desperately wanted to go to school for her valentines party and give out her little masterpieces that she worked so hard on last week, because we had planned on heading out to pick up treats today for lots of folks, because she and the other beans were going to have a v-day party at mimi and pa's - while we went out to a MUCH anticipated and now cancelled dinner, because vomiting SUCKS. and also - because she threw up blueberry juice IN my freaking slippers. amazing....it's like a bad childrens book about the stomach bug. but the child is amazing...after every "episode" she would smile and look up at me and say "how do i look ma?" and after each fresh outfit there was a super long discussion about what matches...and what doesn't....turns out at three a.m i am slightly color blind...she ISN'T.

the upside though - is that last night before the bug hit - t and i worked on some of our yoga lovins, and then she gave me lots of kisses all over my face....last night when i looked at the pic, i thought - my face says, "i love being a mom, and feel so just right in this very moment." funny, this morning when i saw the pic - the look in my eyes was more, "hi - i am so going to be cleaning up massive bodily functions and mess for the next week - isn't it dreamy..."

and benji just made a point of brushing his teeth with t's hijacked toothbrush...have a great february vacation peeps. I'LL BE HERE. gonna go make some coffee and sweeten it with purell.

*namaste.

xo, a*

a time...

2009-02-08T11:15:00.003-05:00

just posting another b-day pic, because it makes me smile. and this week, i need that.

*everyone is faring fine here. thanks to all who showed their support during this time of my uncles passing. he was a truly amazing man, and the services yesterday that took place were just such a true testimony of his amazing being. he was and will always be in my mind, one of the most awesome people i come into contact with in this lifetime - a gentle and sweet man, with so many words of wisdom and knowledge and support...he was an inspiration to me, and so many, many others i am sure. he will be missed, but always loved.

otherwise, we are "valentining" away... and clean-clean-cleaning....am i always cleaning? it is amazing. and i plan to spend some time today thumbing through the seed catalogue and daydreaming about my garden.

i don't have much else to post today, as i need to get OUT side today.

xo peeps. xo.

birthday boy.

2009-02-03T18:02:00.002-05:00

happy birthday little man.

sunday we had benji's b.day party...benji was over the moon, and in his eyes, it was quite certainly the very best day of his life....

i feel so blessed that he is a part of this life that i live and this family that i love. since the day he was born, he has had a special little light to him, and i must say, that i adore him more and more each stinkin' day.

there were so many wonderful peeps here to share in his joy, and others who we missed dearly but could not be here....(see below)

thanks to all who are a part of this village raising this family...

we love you all.

xo, a

* in other news...my uncle jim is not well. he is on morphine now just to keep him comfortable. he is filling up our hearts and minds, and we are saying a special thankful for him today and for auntie max whom may be the biggest supporter of this bloggy thing i do. we love you max....and know that what ever you need....we will be there to give. please - if you have a second, send some peace-filled and comfortable vibes their way....thanks.

winter. sigh

2009-01-29T13:40:00.004-05:00

winter is not my favorite time....but i will say, i have become much more fond of it since the beans do so love a good romp in the snow.

what i do NOT love, is all the drama of a snow day delay- 90 minute delays...what IS that? 90 minutes? so freakin' complicated. then today, the biggest bean, who is a.m. kindergarten....has a 90 minute delay. then his bus is a half hour late...so. how much school are we really going to have. i mean really, he's FIVE...

so, after school today, he hopped off the bus, and we had our usual exchange...

me - "hey bub! how was school today..."

big bean (in a matter of fact tone)- "oh, actually we didn't have school today. today we took off our coats, had snack, did 10 minutes of homework, put our coats on and then came back home."

now you tell me - a 90 MINUTE DELAY?????? they only go to school for 3ish hours anyway. ridiculous.

in other news. benji is turning two next week...he is finally chatting away, and wanders all over the house rolling his r's - it is such a strange little habit that i am all enamored with...

his new favorite word is "truck" which he shouts all over the house, the highway, anywhere you may be able to see a large vehicle....which is so sweet - minus the unfortunate- that he has subtracted the tr and replaced it with a LOUD F. awesome. ESPECIALLY in the grocery store. or anywhere really. but really he is amazing...and i love even our post bedtime snuggles while we watch american idol, because he refuses to go to bed, and there is nothing else appropriate on except dora which by evening i am totally maxed out on.

t is princess-ing it up all over the house and has really turned in to such a demanding little one. exchanges often heard...

"daddy i want milk"

hubs - "how do you ask for milk?"

"daddy i want milk....NOW."

and the new popular is "mommy - you may NOT come in my room evah (ever) again."

just about every statement is followed by a "RIGHT NOW!"

if she needs something - like your attention, or a snack or uh, ANYTHING... she will walk up and grab your face and yell "MOMMY" "I NEEEEEEEED YOUUUUUUUUUU." as if you could not hear her when she was standing right next to you.

she has all the boys in this house wrapped around her little fingers...it is really something to watch. and as soon as you think your so over her attitude that your head will explode, she says in the sweetest of voices all while batting her eyelashes in your face...."uhm mommy....i love you" and smirks and runs away. i am gonna be in the sticks when this kid hits the teen years.

we are thinking positive thoughts for my uncle jim who is in the hospital working on getting healthy....so send a quick get well vibe our way of you have a sec...

and welcoming nins newest bean Lulu, who i cannot wait to love all over*

anyhow. all else is well...things have worked themselves out in regards to some chaos we were dealing with and all is quiet for now.

how are YOU?

*namaste*

rose colored glasses

winter roundup....

*amazingness in a jar*

madness!

*freshness*

on just rightness.

::life::

surreal....

awe

*sunkissed* goodness

10 things.

moments

sendin' lovins...

it's okay.

sometimes...

enough

mohawks and madness....

a lesson....in what its all about....

goodz

:::the melt down

....in my quiet space

updates and snowcovered sweetness....

the whole freakin' saga

:: on channeling...duality....snowishness....and pee....

happy happy

uhm....yeah.

round up...a little late...

somedayz

on the brain....

october lovins....

sometimes.....

wide open....

knee deep.

goodz n' such....

*holy chaos*

joy*

on letting it be.

mama's day goodness....

embracing change

*blessed*

life for reals....

spring-ish-ness

*and the winner is.......

give-away*

what's fillin' my bucket....

dear mama nature....

as if.

197*

with love.

the unveiling...

thankfulls...

round up...

halloweenies...

life...

we heart fall...just sayin'.

the good - the bad - the daily

getting back to it....

buses and dormers and chaos oh my....

boo

a little light and love on his rainy day

actually

what in heck?

good-ness*

fresh*

glorious

happy 4th!

summerness.

restless*

*sunday

the comforts of home

*fresh

wow.

roundup*

*sunday

marinating*

sometimes.

patience....

do not let her fool you.

thankful

spring fever

amazingness in a jar

freshness

sunkissed goodness

holy chaos

blessed

winter. sigh